Thursday, August 27, 2015

The Airplane Joke

My dad had this friend growing up named Jay.  When they were kids, Jay would often come over and stay for long periods of time to the point where my grandmother would say, "Jay, aren't your parents expecting you home?"  He would say, "Nah, they're fine.  They don't mind."  And then he would stay for dinner, dessert, coffee, and beyond.  Jay was a well-meaning guy, perhaps just misunderstood by his peers.  As a matter of fact, most of his friends were much older, and this is where he would learn all his jokes.

Jay had a knack for remembering and telling jokes, and he had one for just about every topic.  My dad would hear many of them through out their high school years and in their freshman year of college because Jay signed up to be roommates with my dad without asking him first.  Jay flunked out after his freshman year, but he was quickly a legend on campus, as you can well imagine.  Later on he would survive the Vietnam war as a well-decorated helicopter pilot.

Jay may have kept his buddies alive by keeping them laughing.
Every now and again I will be with my dad, and he will say "that reminds me of one of Jay's jokes . . ."  Now, when I was a kid, my father would just say that across the table to my mom who would likely groan but sometimes the two of them would laugh their heads off.  My sister and I didn't get to hear the jokes because 95% of the jokes were dirty.  This was frustrating.  I needed to hear the jokes.  I remember one called "The Airplane Joke" that even after I began to hear most of the jokes, that is one where my dad would laugh and say "No, it's too disgusting and pointless."  Naturally, that's the one I needed to hear the most.

So, since I'm pretty sure most of my readers are of age and not easily offended, I give you . . . "The Airplane Joke!"

A disenchanted salesman settled into his seat for his long flight to Newark for a boring business trip when he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen coming down the aisle.  He begins to get excited to see that she is slowing down and checking the seat numbers more carefully, and there was a good possibility she would be sitting next to him.  Sure enough, she was, and up close she was even more sexy and gorgeous than he could have possibly imagined.  

He knew he had to say something to her because opportunities such as this just don't come up very often.  "Off to Newark?" he asked.  

"Yup," she responded, without paying him much attention.

"Not a lot to do there, but I have been a number of times and can let you know the more tolerable hot spots."

"Thanks," she said, again without much enthusiasm and perhaps slightly annoyed.

He knew he didn't have a shot with her at this point, but he was growing infatuated with her.  Her sheer beauty was mind-blowing to him, and as hours passed, he found himself growing unable to contain himself.  He was becoming aroused and dying to touch her, but he knew that was wrong.  He had never had this type of arousal before where all common sense and any rational thought was out the window; all he could think about was her incredible hotness and a need to relieve the tension in his pants.  

Before he knew it he was touching himself discreetly, and soon that gave way to more obvious fondling of his crotch area.  Before he knew it he had unzipped his pants and was masturbating in front of all to see on the airplane!  It wasn't long at all before he finished up, screaming in ecstasy and spraying his load on the back of the seat with a lout splat. 

Tucking his thing back into his fly and learning his seat back, he lit up a cigarette (you could smoke on planes back then), blew out a big puff of smoke, and a big, satisfied grin came over his face.  

Suddenly it occurs to him that he may have made a mistake!  He turns to her and says, "Oh, forgive me, you don't mind if I smoke, do you?"


Hope you enjoyed the joke, readers.  And Jay, if you're out there, I hope I did your joke justice.  I took a lot of artistic liberties and really had some fun with it because all I really knew was the basic concept and the punch line.  Thank you for your service.  And thanks for the jokes.  

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, everyone!  


billy pilgrim, knight of the woeful countenance. said...

excellent joke by jay. seeing that photo with the helicopter puts me in the mood to hear paint it black by the stones.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You mean he didn't even look at her when he was ejaculating? Man, that guy had self control.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Billy: Yeah, I love a good 'Nam film with a killer soundtrack.

Gorilla: Where did I say that he didn't look at her? He could have been turning his head her way, but he was kind enough face his unit and the rest of his body forward as to not to spunk on her.

Exile on Pain Street said...

Did you ever meet Jay?

Have I told you these?

What do you call an Italian fog? A bigamist!

What do you call Italian sodomy? Innuendo! Get it?

Kenneth Noisewater said...

That is the worst part: I never met the guy. My dad will get a Christmas card from him here and there, but they have lost touch. I may have to do the lwg work with reconnecting the two of them. Solid jokes from you roo. I like quickies.

Mr. Shife said...

Jay sounds like a great guy, and his joke is pretty darn awesome. Thanks for sharing Dr. Ken and thanks for everything, Jay. Take care, buddy.

Cocaine Princess said...

I'm laughing at GB's comment!

I bet your dad would really appreciate it if you were to be able to reconnect him with Jay.

Cocaine Princess said...

I'm laughing at GB's comment!

I bet your dad would really appreciate it if you were to be able to reconnect him with Jay.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: I knew you would get that one. It's one of those jokes where you can really learn a lot about people if they see the humor in it or not. "The Airplane Joke Test."

Coke: You know, that's not such a bad idea.