When I was grocery shopping tonight I saw some cartoon character popsicles, and I got thinking of one of the most legendary events ever to happen in a grade school lunch, ever, anywhere in the country.
A kid in my 5th or 6th grade class ate a Mickey Mouse ice cream bar in two bites. If you'll recall, Mickey's ears were chocolate covered (although the one pictured is fully chocolate covered) and about 3 to 4 inches wide. He ate the flipping ears in one bite, angling each ear in his mouth until it was all in there. Then he ate Mickey's face with his second bite. Done.
After that he had the hugest ice cream headache ever known to mankind, and he had to be rushed to the hospital. No, he wasn't taken to the hospital, but he was in such severe pain, and his brain was frozen to such a marked degree that he was mentally and physically out of it for the next few classes.
The novelty ice cream eating champion of the free world ended up going to a different high school, but I heard he would go to parties with his own case of beer and wouldn't share with anyone. So, as it turns out, he was gluttonous with ice cream AND beer. I would say that he went on to bigger and better things, but knowing what little I know about him, I think that the Mickey Mouse Bar inhaling may still be his crowning achievement.