Sunday, November 05, 2006

The 2 Bite Wonder

When I was grocery shopping tonight I saw some cartoon character popsicles, and I got thinking of one of the most legendary events ever to happen in a grade school lunch, ever, anywhere in the country.

A kid in my 5th or 6th grade class ate a Mickey Mouse ice cream bar in two bites. If you'll recall, Mickey's ears were chocolate covered (although the one pictured is fully chocolate covered) and about 3 to 4 inches wide. He ate the flipping ears in one bite, angling each ear in his mouth until it was all in there. Then he ate Mickey's face with his second bite. Done.

After that he had the hugest ice cream headache ever known to mankind, and he had to be rushed to the hospital. No, he wasn't taken to the hospital, but he was in such severe pain, and his brain was frozen to such a marked degree that he was mentally and physically out of it for the next few classes.

The novelty ice cream eating champion of the free world ended up going to a different high school, but I heard he would go to parties with his own case of beer and wouldn't share with anyone. So, as it turns out, he was gluttonous with ice cream AND beer. I would say that he went on to bigger and better things, but knowing what little I know about him, I think that the Mickey Mouse Bar inhaling may still be his crowning achievement.


classyandfancy said...

I'm impressed not only by his eating prowess but by your elementary school lunch selection. Must of been a high class joint. At my school I got excited when it was hot dog day once a month.

Cherry Ride said...

Yeah, me too Classy! What a little prick though -- I never had ice cream for lunch but if I did, you'd be sure I'd savor every last moment of it, and not eat it in two bites like this asshole. Ten bucks he sucks in bed too.

God's Child said...

Or he might be entering eating contests far and wide
hot dogs
you name it.
There's something to knowing what you're good at.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Classy: Well, I would say it was pretty much the normal salsbury steak type crap, but we were blessed with a little love from the Good Humor Man.

Cherry: He was lousy in bed. I mean, so I've heard . . . Selfishness never helps in "the sack."

God's: That's a positive look on it. Maybe he is having a succsessful career eating for a living. Certainly an accomplishment like that as an 6th grader bodes well for an adult eating career.

Loudlush said...

He was lousy in bed? And there I was thinking that a guy who was all about icecream and beer would be a king in the sack.

Steph said...

I once tried to eat a Big Mac in two bites.
I nearly choked and died.

Drunken Chud said...

i need to get me one of those, i think i could do it in one bite. though, in elementary school it would certainly have taken at least two. though, i am wholly impressed by steph's attempt at the big mac. even i bow to that kind of greatness.

darci ann said...

what a great childhood story... this makes me want to think back. >>torture, cutting my hair in a mullet..dancing to secret agent man for talent show.. AHHH..ACK.. >> ok nevermind, i changed my mind. I'll be living vicariously through you from now on.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Loud and Cherry: Who knows, maybe his competetive spirit would translate well in "the sack."

Steph: Yeah, you would need a mouth like Mick Jagger to choke a Big Mac down in two bites. 3 I think I could do, no problem.

Chud: Get a Mickey Mouse Bar and a webcam, and just watch the web hit counter go! BTW, I'm also impressed by Steph's effort. She risked spilling secret sauce on her shoes.

Darci: Did the Secret Agent man dance occur WITH the mullet? If so, that is AWESOME!

Sister said...

I thought for sure when I started reading this it was going to be about you trading your moldy "Susie Q" for an apple.

chuckdaddy2000 said...

Very funny blog- laughed out loud. Perhaps partly because I too fear having the worst ice cream headache ever.

My elementary school memory is when Eddie Bonilla tried to jump through a hole in the soccer net. Oops. His foot caught on the net, he fell on his arm, and his bone popped out Joe Theisman style. Or maybe we exagerated it a little. Ok fine, I wasn't even there, but I heard about it a lot...

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sister: Thanks for finally commenting! I run into so many people that can site all these different blogs but they never comment. I swear to this day that I didn't know the Suzy-Q was moldy when I traded it for the apple, but it's funnier when dad tells the story if I knew. However, this conversation did happen-
Me: Dad, the Suzy Q in my lunch was moldy.
Dad: Jeez, I'm sorry.
Me: Don't worry, I traded it for an apple.

Chuck: Can I make a confession, I wasn't in the same lunch as Tim, the ice cream eating, young wonder of the free world. He was in the green group and I was in the gold. However, I'm sure just like Mr. Bonilla's tale, you've heard recounted exactly the same from so many sources that it has to be true. Thanks for coming by the site! I'm now going to return the favor.

Matt said...

I guess everyone has their five minutes of fame, and these days he could probably make it on National TV with a trick like that.

Only ever had brain freeze from slush puppies, those things were killers!

darci ann said...

Gancer -- the good news, no no the mullet was younger, the bad news it involved stretch pants, an oversized sweatshirt, and... puffy paint. God forgive me.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Matt: Slush Puppies were the fastest track to a head rush. I kind of liked that feeling. Is that weird?

Darci: WOW! All you needed were some zubaz pants. Is that how you spell it?

Ms Smack said...

Wow, they're big ice-creams. What a nutter.

I've added you to my page, hope thats ok.

word verif: ausbrbs = aussie's be right back?


Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Smack: I was just reading my old blogs like a weirdo, and I came across the moment when Smack added me to her page. How exciting!

I don't like to leave any comment not responded to, even if it's a year later. So, there you are.