Monday, January 01, 2007


I had REALLY low expectations for New Year's Eve last night. My group of friends couldn't agree on what to do, most settled for events all across the city, which left me and HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) stuck going to a house party in which the guest list consisted of couple 1, couple 2, and me and HLP, essentially making us the third couple, which I'd say seals our HLP status. When we told everyone about the party we were going to, everyone was like, 'why in the hell are you going to that?' - to which we had no legitimate response.

We didn't get any more excited about this event when we learned that we also had to buy all the booze for the party, and after our purchase we found it impossible to find a cab. Just when we were considering waiting for a bus, a guy driving a limousine across the street asked if we wanted a ride. Fuck yeah we want an unexpected ride in a limo on New Year's Eve! Sure, it smelled of body odor, but it was a limousine nonetheless. The guy scared us a little when he was talking about how drinking and driving has been a bad combination for him in the past, since it has led to numerous incidents of hitting parked cars, which in turn led to his insurance company deeming him "uninsureable." Did I mention he sounded drunk as he was telling us this? When we told him where we going that evening, even the drunken limo guy we had never met before, but were falling in love with a little bit, said "Why would a couple of red blooded studs like yourselves go to that?"

Well, it's true that we wanted to at least put ourselves in a position to meet some available women desperately scanning the room at 11:50 for a guy to swap spit with, but I am very glad we went to a nice, intimate gathering with good friends. We had a great meal, we had some great conversation, followed by some REALLY drunken conversation, which was in turn followed by even drunker sing-alongs of Air Supply's Even the Nights Are Better, Wham's Careless Whisper, which I remember singing with the host the previous time I was at his abode, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, and a dance off to Bell Biv Devoe's Poison. As midnight approached we all decided we should be in a public place when 2007 became the new thing to write on checks.

We all stumbled into the bar, and I noticed that my HLP had paired off with someone, leaving me the lone guy with no girl on his arm with midnight lurking right around the corner. What I DID have was a lengthy dialoge with a couple of loquacious, middle-aged queens. They gave me a chocolate bar, which I put in the back pocket of my jeans, which I slept in, and it splattered all over the inside of the pocket. I'd make a joke now about packing fudge, but that would just be insensitive.

Well, it really wasn't all that bad not having anyone to kiss at midnight. On the whole, I'd say Valentines day and Christmas, mostly Christmas, are more depressing holidays, since, for me, New Year's Eve is only depressing for about a half hour. I have my 30th birthday ready to rear its ugly head in less than a week, and I think that's going to be the real pisser, but one helluva party.

Happy New Year's, seven readers! Here's hoping you too spent your evening having a great time with great friends.

15 comments:

classyandfancy said...

I wish that I made some more solid plans for the evening, just so my Korean cab driver wouldn't have made fun of my HSLF and me. Even though he was speaking Korean, I know he was saying we were losers for having him drive around aimlessly.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I don't think the other cab driver liked being called "cabby" by me 44 times. You know how I know? Because he told our friend in the front, "my name is not cabby." HAHAHAHAHHA!

Steph said...

I think you should hook up with this supposedly HSLF :P
And when you do. Can i watch?

Happy New Year to you. xx

cathrina said...

Wish you a very Happy New Year too and I must admit... a gr8 post tooooooooooooooooo

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Wow - chocolate and Air Supply sound like a dream NYE to me.

Happy New Year, Dr. Ken.

(PS - looking forward to the b-day bash.)

mysterygirl! said...

Happy new year, Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

I, too, had no person of the opposite sex to kiss at midnight, so I kissed everyone at the party on the cheek. Love for everyone!

And that limo ride and the chocolate bar make for good stories, so you've got that going for you!

RevRee said...

I didn't get kissed at midnight either babe...

I'll tell you a little secret, I've never been kissed on New Years....yet...

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Steph: Let's put it this way, if he were a chick it would be on like Donkey Kong. Can you believe I wrote HLSF. I later edited the blog to say HLP. What a dumb-dumb.

Cathrina: Thanks for coming by, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Cherry: B-day bash is going to be off the chain. Air Supply and The Special Joy song will both be bumpin'.

Mystery: I guess I could have kissed everyone at the bar on the cheek, but considering I only knew 4 people in the bar, that might have rubbed some people, especially the guys, the wrong way.

Alannah said...

Oh. My. God.

I spent last NYE drunkenly singing "Careless Whisper!" Of course it was quietly to myself as I clung for dear life onto a banister to steady the spins....

Jay said...

You should just be grateful the maybe-drunken limo driver didn't lock all the doors and kidnap you...or maybe not, if you made it out alive that would certainly be an NYE to live up to.

Matt said...

Despite it all, sounds like a pretty good New Year, and from the sound of it, you're not the only one missing out on some action at midnight. The only female company I had close to me at midnight was my friends very flatulent dog.

Lori Mocha said...

Careless Whisper is good for any holiday.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Rev: Never, huh? Wow.

Alanah: Did you substitute the word "drink" for "dance" when you sang the lyrics?

Jay: Thanks for coming by! Yeah, I did start to get a feeling that he was going to drive us into a hollowed-out volcano.

Matt: The bar I was at was full of virtual flatulent dogs, but they were too good for me.

Lori: I suppose so. Which holiday is next? Martin Luther King Day? I'll see how it goes over . . .

laura said...

Happy New Year!

I spent mine at a party. We played Jenga at one point. I drank ungodly amounts of vodka. No kiss. No real complaints.

Word verification: NYEFQ. How apropos.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Laura, I'm up for drunken jenga any night you are