Jersey

Yesterday I went over to a friend's house for a BBQ and a farewell to newlywed friends of mine who are off to Florida for good on Tuesday. Upon my arrival, I was filled in about the car accident that had just happened. Apparently, a drunk dude smacked into another guy's car at a stop sign, and the cops were there talking to both parties. After the cops left, the guy who got hit came over to get our information in case he needed witnesses. It was a nice, quick visit. THEN, the drunk dude came over with his dog, who had been in the car for the TWO HOURS they were talking to the cops, and sadly, the visit from him and Jersey, his dog, was not at all a short visit.

Drunk dude was pleading his case to us, but we just wanted him to leave. He then asked me if I could move his car out of the middle of the street and into a parking space, which I was glad to do. He f'd up his car pretty good because something was grinding really loud like a sonuva-B. After parking it, I handed him the keys and said, "Car sounds great. Good luck." That should have been his cue to leave. Oh no . . . He then made a phone call, and asked me to hold onto his dog. What? I just parked your beat up car, and now you want me to hold onto your stupid dog!?

So, I'm holding onto this random, drunk guy's dog, and I'm growing rather fond of her. Her name was Jersey, and she looked like a golden retriever but with shorter hair and a white patch of fur on her chest. She was really well behaved, but we determined that she was hungry because she had been away from home for a long time, and she was doing a great deal of whimpering. We gave her some water, but she wanted nothing to do with pickles. She did, however, eat the shit out of the pieces of bread we threw to her, which she caught in her mouth and wolfed down.

When drunk guy finally came back after leaving us with his dog for literally hours, he updated us about his situation, as if we gave a shit, but what killed me is he SAT DOWN. I saw him start to sit, and it was like in slow motion . . . You know when you're trying to end a conversation with someone, and everything you say are parting words? That's what I tried to do, but this cat was in it for the long haul on perhaps the last day I would ever see one of my best friends. Yes, Drunky, it's YOU I want to talk to. Perhaps the best thing about this guy was that he had on a green t-shirt with a drawing of bowling pins getting knocked down that said, "That's How I Role!" How is it that you role exactly? Getting drunk? Crashing into another guy's car? Overstaying your welcome? Making your DOG overstay her welcome? Actually, Jersey could have stayed all night. We were sad to see her go, but not as sad as we were to see our newlywed friends go. Our friend gave myself and my other good friend a long embrace, and when we pulled away, we noticed he was crying. Very sad to see him go, but he will always have a place in my heart because that's how I role.