Monday, December 28, 2009


Gancey Girlfriend and I were watching some show on E! where they were talking about all the people who died in 2009, which was way too many people, and they were showing bits from Michael Jackson's funeral. During Stevie Wonder's speech, and I imagine he talked more than he played, which is par for the course for Stevie, he said something along the lines that we needed Mike here on earth, but God must have needed him more, to which Gancey Girlfriend said . . .

Gancey Girlfriend: Why should we assume that he is going to Heaven?

Dr. Ken: That's true! He could be getting molested by demons in hell even as we speak!

GG: Did you really just say that?

DK: What would that be like? Wow! That would be no picnic, but I guess he deserves it if he, in fact, touched all those kids.

GG: (looks back at the television, ignoring him)

DK: Do you think Beelzebub* has a devil put aside for Mike . . . For Mike . . . For MIKE!! (starts into the heavy metal part of Bohemian Rhapsody).

GG: (Continues to try to ignore but cracks a smile, which only encourages him)
*I thought for sure that I read somewhere that Beelzebub is the guy in Hell who tortures the crap out of people and makes them scream so loud we can hear it on Earth, but I couldn't find it on the Them Internets. If anyone can find anything about that, I'm thinking either Michael 5000 or Zen Wizard would be especially up for this challenge, let me know in the comments.


JerseySjov said...

i am so good at keeping a straight face when i have to be offended in the face of funny material.
you just have to focus on the angry part and not the amused part. it's a skill that i'm relatively proud of.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jov: Yeah, molesting demons are just funny. There's no two ways about it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Beelzebub is just waaaay too funny a name for an evil dude.

Lucifer is much better, ya think?

Jenni said...

"Beelzebub?" Seriously? He sounds like a character in a Disney movie, not a pop-star molesting demon.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Candy: Yeah, but I'm sure if you met him you'd be scared. I hope you never do meet him, though, and I hope he never molests you.

Jenni: Same goes for you. Hope Beelzebub never molests you either.

Michael5000 said...

Jesus, Dr. Ken, don't y'all have the Wiki in Chicago? Beelzebub is Lord of the Flies. Really. Well, maybe.

Hey, we saw a pet grooming boutique in Hometown5000 called the "Dog Style Boutique," I shit you not. I was going to take a picture and do a post catering to the Noisewater demographic, but Mrs.5000 pointed out that my mom would be looking at the pictures on the camera, so that idea sank.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

5000: Are you saying that my audience is low brow? You're probably right. Ever since that queef post . . .