Sunday, February 21, 2010

Top 10 Excuses To Use When Someone Passes You Up When You're Jogging

10. "That guy is probably running a shorter distance than me. He just goes out for a quick mile."

9. That guy is probably just sprinting like that at the end of his run. He couldn't possibly keep up that pace."

8. "I have a cramp."

7. "That guy is wearing tights from head-to-toe. It's totally okay to get passed up by those guys 'cause they're hardcore."

6. "F*ck that guy. I hate him."

5. "That only happened because I slowed down to find a good song on my ipod."

4. "He shouldn't run that fast. He's going to get shin splints, a herniated disc, and a decreased sperm count."

3. "It's okay for one or two to pass me up per run, so long as everyones not flying by me. You're okay, just focus . . ."

2. "He's probably one of those guys who just can't be happy unless he passes everyone up. He's messed up. I pity him."

1. "Look at him; He runs like a dork. I'd rather run slow than run like a complete doucher like him."
___________________________

NOTE: If you're a man, and it's a woman passing you up, that's a whole different list of even more imaginative excuses.
___________________________
Also, congrats to Heff for winning the caption contest from the last post. He's a great blogger with a really cool layout at his site, but he has been on hiatus for some time now. However, Heff's Bar And Grill returns on 02/24/2010. Mark your calendars or just put him on your blogroll.

8 comments:

JerseySjov said...

alternatively you could not jog at all. that strategy has served me pretty well over the years.

HeatherLynn said...

My lovely, you don't need excuses....you're a man with a plan, determination, will power....fuck, you're a man who's out there...

and the fact that you're "out there"...pounding the pavement....at YOUR pace, on YOUR time....that's better than the speed of the world around you!

take that! :)

~hl~

Loved the excuses though, cracked me up.

Heff said...

I always use the old "Looks like I picked a bad day to quit smoking" line.

Thanks for the shout-out.

blamemyrobot said...

#6 is an excuse that works everytime!

Casey said...

I usually just remind myself that they'll be the first to freeze to death, post-Apocalypse.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jov: That's a thought . . .

Lyn: It's Tony Robbins!! Hahaha. Thanks.

Heff: Yes. Or sniffing glue.

Blame: Yeah, that was my personal favorite too! : )

Casey: Yes. They will freeze up and be the boy-toy of the scary guy in Road Warriors.

Michael5000 said...

I pretty much use all those simultaneously. And often.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

5000: Yes, I sometimes do combos of them myself. : )