I was walking near Lincoln Park in Chicago at around 11pm on a Wednesday with a special lady friend, and we saw a man coming out of the 7-Eleven with a newly purchased cup of coffee; he was talking, no, preaching to himself as he was walking. My ladyfriend seemed scared, but I reassured her that we'd be okay, as I know this guy to be totally harmless. Yes, he preaches insane messages that actually sound a little interesting, but while he talks loud enough to draw a crowd, he never looks anyone dead in the face, so there's no fear that he will try to lure you back to his poisoned Kool-Aid fun house of horrors. He appears to be around 50-years-old, and his long graying blond hair flows in the Chicago winds as he preaches to no one in particular. What's great too is that he never asks for money; he just wants to be heard, or not. Maybe he doesn't want to be heard because then he'd look you in the eye, but thank God he doesn't because I don't like when crazies look me directly in the eyes.

Now, there is a guy downtown who appears to be a Nation of Islam type black fella with a bow tie and a microphone, and I don't care for him as much because he just tells me all the things that will make me go to hell, such as homosexuality and cigarettes (luckily I've only dabbled with one of those). He was mentioned years ago in my old Chicago blogging crew, The Liars Club, in our 15 Chicagoans You Shouldn't Know post. Blond preacher guy kind of looks like Edgar Winter, he always preaches while he walks, never stopping with the walking or preaching, it seems, and his rants sound like they'd be kind of engaging if I was on his level of caffeine and schizophrenia.

Actually, the next time I see this guy, I'm going to initiate some eye contact, buy him a coffee, and see what he's all about. What's the worst that can happen? Nah. I'll just keep looking away. It's just easier and safer than taking on a nut-job project like that. Screw it.