Tuesday, March 01, 2011

These Are the People At My Gym. The People That I Meet Each Day

1. There is a swishy guy who spends hours and hours at the gym and is there most every time I'm there. How do I know he's there really long? He never leaves before I do. What is swishy? It's a toned down way of saying the more offensive "fruity." I think I got swishy from my mom. Or maybe it was my dad . . .

Anyway, this fella prances around with his arms all limp, kind of like a T-rex, and he admires himself in every mirror he can get his eyes on. I'm not exaggerating when I say that he will take around 15 minutes between sets checking himself out and just swishing around aimlessly, maybe looking for more mirrors.

2. It turns out my gym is a bit of a cop gym. I didn't know this when I started there, but after someone told me, it dawned on me that, yeah, all these guys look like cops. So, there aren't a lot of attractive women who go there, which is fine by me. I don't need that pressure. I just like to get in and out of there as fast as possible so I can get home and enjoy those last couple of hours before sleep, work, and working out have swallowed up my whole day. But, there is one new gal I saw the other day who is fine as wine. She's got long, flowing, cascading hair like Farrah Fawcett. I don't plan on hitting on her because chicks hate that - it's just nice to look at every now and again, breaking up the monotony of all the cop-looking dudes.

3. There's this huge doucher who gets all into the heavy metal music on his headphones, air drumming as he runs around the track. What's worse, he always asks for low calorie gatorades even though they haven't stocked them in weeks. Ooooh, you watching your sugar intake, dork? Also, he's always stopping to watch everyone, like he's criticizing and/or perving on them. I hear he writes a shitty blog, or something . . .

6 comments:

Michael5000 said...

My gym caters to the elderly. Which is awesome. I'm pushing middle age, yet in this crowd I have a relatively awesome body. I have to listen to a lot of stoopid old-man talk about politics and people who aren't white native English speakers, but it doesn't bother me as much, because you know what? If I wanted to, I could kick your ass, grandpa!

I highly recommend the old-person's gym experience.

Aubree said...

i'm so out of shape i'm afraid to set foot in a gym. seriously. it's that bad.

Andrew said...

I really can't do gyms. That's why I do P90X. But as you know, I can't really do that either.

FML.

That last guy sounds like such a tool. I don't think I could ever deal with someone like that.

BeckEye said...

So, when I used to work for GNC, a guy in my department told me that there was a weird guy who always used the gym at the same time he did, and he would just walk around the locker room naked while talking to people. Apparently, he was totally straight and married, so it wasn't like he was cruising anyone, but he just had no inhibitions about letting his junk flap around. And the best part is that my friend told me that this dude BLEW DRY HIS PUBES. Do you know anyone who does that?

Gorilla Bananas said...

There must be a way of saying hello to the blond girl without hitting on her. Maybe calling her 'Miss' would help...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Michael: Yes! I'd feel ripped around those crazy old coots!!

Abree: Set a foot in, and then set the rest of you in there, like dipping in a cold pool.

Andrew: Yeah, he's a real turd, but at least he doesn't parade around in a moose costume trying to make a buck.

Beck: I think I'd have to tuck everything back (the mangina) before attempting the pube blow dry. Of course, I'd have to talk like Buffalo Bill when I did it. Would you f$c* me? I'd f#@k me."