Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Bottomless Beers and Exploding Tomato Paste

I had this dream last night set at the supermarket in the town where I grew up, and I was chatting with a guy I hadn't met before who seemed to be the manager or owner.  He was drinking a can of Busch Light and offered me one, and as he did so, he was explaining to me that it didn't look like it was 24 ounces but was, somehow.  He was right.  It looked like a normal sized beer but it said 24 ounces at the bottom of the can, and while I was marveling at the beer that he gave me, he pulled out a gun and yelled at a shoplifter to freeze.  Manager guy fired a shot at the thief, missing him, but he did magnificently explode a can of tomato paste all over the place.  Everyone in the store screamed and ran for the exits, including me, which was odd because the gun wielding manager/owner seemed quite chummy with me just a moment before.
"If you're cool, I'll give you a beer, but if you steal, so help me, I will blow your fricking head clean off."

Running towards the door, I ran past the lady at the register and reached into my wallet to find I had a five dollar bill and a one (which is actually what I have in cash in my wallet now - so dreams are smart sometimes).  Without stopping, I plunked down the five, told her to keep the change, and ran out with my deceptively fathomless can of beer.  As I went through the exit doors, there were a bunch of young men pushing the carts but mostly just hanging out, and as I took a pull from my Busch Light, they all seemed happy to see me and we knew all knew each other for some reason.  Walking to my car, now seemingly safe from the fire fight that continued inside, I heard one of them say to another "Dude, I bet Dr. Ken was just like you back in the day."
"Now with more splatter!"
It's hard to say if that youngster meant that in a good or bad one, but I like to think he was implying that it's cool to take a swig from a beer as you casually head for the door with bullets whizzing by and exploding tomato paste all around, splattering the aisles and aisles of packaged goods . . .

4 comments:

David Oliver said...

I don't know what I'm most impressed with - the dream or that you remembered it so well or how well you have written about it. But I am impressed. A lot! Just wish I could figure out what some of it means if there is any meaning to dreams. Maybe they are just a way our sub conscious deals with all the things we see and think everyday.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

David: Thanks so much, man. I was reading one of my posts back when I was more passionate about blogging and back when got like 25 comments every time, and I was thinking that I really lost my edge. That made me want to write a good one today. Glad someone noticed.

Gorilla Bananas said...

The statement "Dr Ken was just like you" makes me wonder who he was talking who. Fonzie? Bandit Darville? Dirty Harry? I suppose you didn't get a good look at their faces. It's still a dream to envy (unless you got covered in tomato paste).

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: Actually, I woke up with some tomato paste in my hair. Was it just a dream? To be continued . . .