Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Crummiest Band to Ever Play a Wedding Reception

For some reason, whenever I am at a wedding reception I always think back to all the other ones I have been to; the best and the worst moments.  Without question, the worst wedding band of all time goes to the reception after the wedding of my good friend, Omega Supreme.

Omega is a 6'5" African American fella who is now happily married to a wonderful 6 foot plus white woman.  They are going to have some giant children whom I hope play for the Chicago Bears, be they male or female.    Now, Omega let me know beforehand that he wasn't too happy about his bride-to-be booking her cousin's band for the occasion, but there was just no getting her to bend on that issue.

The band was not very talented, or perhaps they just haven't rehearsed in a while, and they had a random trumpet player who would sneak horn playing into songs whether the song called for it or not.  They also jammed out self indulgent solos through out the songs, which wasn't really necessary and made the already poorly chosen songs longer and even harder to dance to.  What was perhaps the most uncomfortable part was that they were very, very white.  They only song I can remember them playing was "Hey Ya" by Outkast, a song that was around ten years old at the time, but it seems as if they played it in an attempt to get the Black people out on the dance floor.  But to be honest, the white folks weren't dancing to anything either.

This is not a picture of the actual band, and if this is your band, I'm sorry to use you to be the visual for the worst band ever, but you kind of deserve it.  
When the band would take one of their frequent breaks, the groom would run over to the speakers, plug in his iPod full of awesome songs, and people of all colors, shapes, and sizes would dance their faces off.  Then the band would set back up, and it was like your parents coming home when you were throwing a bash while they were out and the fun is very much all over.  Everyone would go back to their seats or back to the bar.

I was chatting with Omega Supreme over a Budweister, and for some reason I was singing "to the window . . . to the wall!"  And he said to me, in this funny intentionally whining voice that he does sometimes, "Dr. Ken, youknow I want to hear the "to the window to the wall song."  But it was not to be.  The worst wedding band of all time continued their rain of terror well into the evening, but with enough shots of Jameson and enough stories about old times, we still had a great time.

How about you, Seven Readers?  You got a best or worst element of a wedding ceremony or reception?


Gorilla Bananas said...

I don't why more couples don't elope and save themselves the expense of a wedding. I quite liked the wedding in Jerry Maquire where Cuba Gooding Jr got up and sang. I assume he was better than the band you described.

David Oliver said...

This is funny. I began laughing about the trumpet player and self indulgent solos. The way you described the "very, very white" was funny too. I could picture that even without the picture but it helped. The iPod and the parents got a chuckle from me too.

Cocaine Princess said...

I hate buffet lines at a wedding and when bands play. Food should be served to guests and I prefer couples hiring a DJ playing top dance songs and a few stuff from the 80s. (I like the total nightclub vibe)

Oh and I hate when they play those ridiculous wedding games during the reception, like couples trivia and believe it or not at one wedding I attended they had "Wedding Guest Bingo"

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Coke: I agree with every one of your statements. You should be a wedding planner. Or just a wedding hater.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: I think I would sing at my own wedding and be "that guy." I anticipate it would sound about like Cuba Gooding Jr., only as him in "Radio."

David: I think you got a pretty good feel for the scene based on my description. Black folks just staring blankly, trying to be polite. Weird scene.