Tuesday, July 08, 2014

This has got to be the longest time I have gone without updating my blog, and I apologize.  Here are some updates . . .

Mrs. Noisewater and I finally moved out of our tiny apartment where our bedroom window faced the alley of decadence and a Chicago life of excess.  Just about every night we would hear a couple getting ready to get it on, some people doing cocaine, a fight breaking out, but usually just people being loud and drunk.  I really knew it was time to go when I saw the aftermath of what I could only assume was a hobo orgy.  This is an actual picture that I took:

Aren't you glad the bums are being safe?
So now I'm back in Lakeview, my favorite neighborhood where I lived for around 7 years before the party-alley-place.  But back then I had 4 roommates.  Now I just have one, and she's the best roommate ever.  Does it bother me that Mrs. Noisewater is more handy than me and is painting, hanging up shelves, and using power tools that I don't know how to operate?  A little.  But I'm in charge of . . . the record player.  And that's important stuff.

Our landlord is a Chicago cop part time, and despite the fact that he looks precisely like Vic Mackey from "The Shield," he is actually a really nice guy.  He doesn't want us grilling on the balcony because he doesn't want us burning the place down, so he lets us use the grill and smoker in the courtyard and even buys and replaces the propane tank for us.  Now that's a hell of a deal.

"Don't beat a confession out of me!  That was me playing Captain and Tennille on my record player last night.  And singing along."

Our downstairs neighbor is an elderly four and a half foot tall Japanese woman who has been living in the building for forty years, and when she moved in her rent was sixty bucks a month.  Very sweet woman, but a bit of a hoarder.  She has filled up the basement with years and years of useless crap.  She was telling me one day when I was doing laundry down there that sometimes she buys two of something because she forgets she already had one.  Probably because it was buried under other stuff.  Landlord Vic Mackey has given her until the 15th of this month to have all that stuff moved out of there.  She will often offer us something, and usually we say no.  But sometimes we will take something just to make her feel that some of those objects have a home.  I fill a thermos of hers up with Gatorade all the time and tried to tell her I was using it, but her English isn't very good.  I have been thinking about taking some things that she offers and just throwing it out for her - a few dumpsters away so that she doesn't see that I tossed it.  That way she's happy and I'm helping her clear the joint out, right?

Hope you're enjoying your summer as much as I am, readers!  


JerseySjov said...

i never quite know how to react when elderly people offer me something. like sometimes they just do it because it's cultural but other times it's not as clear. the other day j and i were at his grandfathers house and gramps suddenly looked up and said "hey, do you want a wood picture of a boat?" long story short we now have a giant piece of carved boat art sitting on the floor of our tv room because it's too heavy to hang, too nice to throw out.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jov: Yes! Big goofy boat picture!! That would look good hanging up somewhere. Like the attic.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Glad to hear you've moved into a better locality, Dr Ken. I'm petty sure hoarding stuff is contrary to the principles of Zen Buddhism. I think you should ask your local Zen Master to have a word with the Japanese lady.

Jimmy Fungus said...

All I can say is thanks for at least posting a pic of the aftermath of the hobo orgy instead of the actual hobo orgy itself.

P.S. Regarding your comment..sorry to waste hours of your time, but Captain Kirk never said "Watch out we got a badass over here." There is a famous meme with Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the host of Cosmos, saying "Watch out we got a badass over here" (although I don't think Dr. Tyson ever literally uttered those actual words either). Neil deGrasse Tyson: WATCH OUT, we got a badass over here!
I made the Captain Kirk gif myself which may explain why you couldn't find it anywhere else on the internets.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: She could use a zen master in her life. "Master says throw this stuff out, woman!" But seriously, I hope she will feel better when the place is cleaned up.

Jimmy: I figured you must have created it when I couldn't find it, but I wanted a way to have it on hand to drop on people's Facebook posts, like when they post what WAD (Work Out of the Day) they just did.

Jimmy Fungus said...

Well trying using this URL


The version on my website might be too big to work on facebook, but I don't have a facebook so I'm not sure what the problem is.

Mr. Shife said...

Glad to hear you and Mrs. Noisewater got a good new place. Hope you don't miss the hobo orgies too much. Maybe Mrs. Myagi is going to have you wax on, wax off with her hoarding collection and then you can enter the All Valley Karate Classic to kick Johnny's ass. Take care buddy.

Fredulous said...

Maybe they're not hobos, but civilised homed people with weird fetishes.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Fungus: That did the trick! Just left the link where it needed to go. My friend is probably laughing his ass off.

Shife: Mrs. Myagi is a sad story. She's 89-years-old too!

Fredulous: Something wild and entertaining was going on that night, but I guess I'll never know for sure what the hell it was, be it homed or homeless.

Michael D'Agostino said...

I wonder what would happen if all her stuff "mysteriously disappeared" overnight?