Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Robbery That Shook the Nation. Well, It Shook This Guy Anyway.


For those of you who don’t know me that well, I work in a school. Today some kid went into my office and stole my ipod. You have no idea how much this event has taken the wind out of my sails. I am simultaneously mad, sad, and disappointed.

I'm MAD for obvious reasons. I really would like to do an Andy Sipowitz style investigation in which I simply go student to student beating and black mailing information out of them until I get to the bottom of it. That would more than likely get me fired, so I think I’ll save the Sipowitz approach for another day, but believe me when I say that I really did consider it. I nearly stopped by Best Buy so that I could get the NYPD Blue box set for pointers on beat-downs and questioning styles to trip them up.

I’m SAD because this event will honest to God decrease my quality of life. This may sound like an exaggeration, but those of you who know me well know how important music is to me on an every day basis, and you know that this really isn’t a stretch. I listen to my ipod every day on the way to and from school. I just bought a freaking tape adapter for my car so that I can do so. You have no idea how annoyed I was on the ride home when I had to listen to the radio, knowing that I could be listening to one of my 4,500 favorite songs. Midway through a Bon Jovi song I had to shut the radio off and pound the dashboard a few dozen times. I also use it when I go running. I have a very short attention span, so most of my exercise is through sports, since running bores me. The only way I can make running seem halfway entertaining is to make bomb-ass play lists to keep my legs moving. This thief of a kid is going to make me fat! Okay, my blood is boiling right now. Give me a minute . . .

Okay, last but not least I am DISSAPOINTED. Whoever this kid is, he/she was more than likely visiting me at the end of the day, saw I wasn’t there, and took the ipod. I listen to these kids’ problems all day, I help them with every little aspect of their little lives, and sometimes I take their problems home with me to the point where their little lives are racing through my head when I’m trying to sleep, and this is the fricking thanks that I get. That is the hardest part about this whole thing.

11 comments:

Roxana said...

That blows. I'm so sorry. You don't have any suspects? Maybe you can offer a reward for whoever "found" your iPod?

blake said...

That really suck man. Will your homeowner's cover it? I'll guard my iPod VERY closely from now on. Who knows what kind of theif lurks around the corner from my desk...

beachgirl said...

Well think of it this way, maybe some poor disadvantaged child took the ipod to buy a kidney off the black market to save his momma's life... Your ipod could literally be saving this child from going to an orphanage...

Then again, kids are pretty rotten these days, they have no respect for anyone...I say go postal on the kid once you find him/her....

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Rox- I had a couple suspects, and I did conduct a non-violent, non sipowiczesque investigation.

blake- Do you work with middle school children? I don't trust them any farther than I can throw them. Although when I first found it missing I transformeed from a mild-mannered social worker to the Hulk, and I think I could have thrown any one of them a good 10 feet.

Beach- I think I'll just assume that it was a kid looking for a kidney for his momma' . . . Nope, that doesn't work, I'm still mad as hell. Good idea though!

Michael said...

BALLS....that seriously blows to red check what roxana said.

Heather B. said...

And the worst part is that you can always buy another ipod, but it's the fact that you don't have your music with you when you need it. Those key playlists etc. It's like when you lose a digital camera. It's not the loss of the camera that's the problem, it's the pictures that have been lost with the camera.

To be blunt; that shit sucks.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mike- Balls, indeed. You look like a professional soccer player in your picture for some reason.

Heather- That's not too blunt at all. "That shit sucks" is exactly right. One might even say that is some sucky ass shit.

Lizzie said...

I thought someone had stolen my iPod a few weeks ago (I have a bad habit of leaving it out in the library when I wander off to find a book or something) and seriously thought I was about to cry and/or go ballistic on everyone in the library. (I found it two minutes later in my bag - oops.) Anyway, I completely understand why you'd be mad, sad and disappointed. Sorry to hear about that. That really sucks.

Anonymous said...

If I was alone, and it was the week of my period, I'd be crying. I cannot imagine life without my iPod. If I had $300, I'd buy you one right now.

I agree with Roxana. If you offer a reward for a "found" iPod, and tell them to drop if off in the office, you might get some kid to give it back. $50 would probably do it.

ps: holy shit! look at all these comments!

the belligerent intellectual said...

Maybe you can't go all "NYPD Blue" on them, but you can absolutely go "CSI" on them. Everytime you pass a kid in the hallway with an iPod, stop him and take a DNA swab. Then take his fingerprints and make sure you say, "You can't hide from the evidence."

OR make the entire school run wind sprints until someone talks.

Ms Smack said...

Years ago, my geography teacher displayed a massive poster of Bruce Springsteen 'Born in the USA" above our blackboard. His pride and Joy. Someone stole it.

Understandably crushed, he wrote on the blackboard, 'to the person who stole my poster, the camera's saw you; they're coming to get you. Return it now before the police are involved'

it miraculously turned up.

I suggest you try the same.

In order to fix your broken faith, there is no quick fix for that. sorry luv.