Monday, June 11, 2012

Natural Endings

Sometimes I go to this hole in the wall bar for Boston fans in Chicago because my buddies Oats and Southie like to go, and it's grown on me.  You're guaranteed that the bartender gal with giant boobs will get three quarters drunk midway through her shift and then way beyond drunk once she punches out and gets on the other side of the bar.  You can just tell she was smoking hot around 7 years ago, but the hard living has taken its tole on that face of hers.

One time a cop with giant mutton chops came in to deal with a regular who was stumbling all over the place, and I realized the cop was a regular too when the big chested bartender said, "I got an 8 ball over here, so you better frisk me!"  The cop just hung out talking to folks for a bit and then took the stumbler home in his squad car.

Last week I was in there watching the Celtics, back when they were still in the playoffs, and for whatever reason some lady in there was going off about Asian massage parlors and damning any man who ever set foot it one.  She was greatly outnumbered by men defending this practice, one of which was quoted as saying that "a happy ending is really just a natural ending."  I Googled this phrase, and it does not appear as if it has been used in this sense, at least not in the first page of Google.  So, I'm giving this fella full credit and dropping this phrase for all 7 of my readers to see.  Thanks, buddy, and thanks, shit-hole bar.

8 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

That's a great proverb, which might have been invented by Enid Blyton. I wish it had been invented by her, so people could have pissed her off by applying it to the Asian massage. It is possible, although not probable, that Enid Blyton gave someone a handjob.

Kage said...

i think enid blyton prolly did give someone a handjob. we're all proud of things we did in our youth.

and i can't wait to be that blond bartender some day. will be drunk all the time.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

gorilla: i had to look up enid just now. don't think she was quite as big here in the states. you think she really gave handies?

kage: she's not blond. you read chesty and assumed blond - a common mistake. i think you would crush it as a drunken bartender.

Heff said...

I read "chesty" and hair color DOESN'T MATTER. PHOTOS, PLEASE !

Kage said...

oh my god you're right. i DO associate blonde with busty.

i think i'll go dye my hair.

sybil law said...

Shit hole bars are the best.
Man, I hope I'm not like that bartender chick NOW...

Jenni said...

Boobs, booze and masturbation...Glad to see things have not changed, DKN.

Carry on...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: She is actually pretty hot. If she were to leave sunglasses on. Something about that weathered eye area . . .

Kage: Busted! Busty!

Sybil: Some divey joints are the best.

Jenni: Yup. Holding it down 7 years later. Hope all is well with you. Good to hear from you!