I have one of those iPod shuffles with no buttons on it where you hold down a button on the headphones for a voice to tell you the names of the song or playlist. It's a robotic white guy voice, but every once in a while it's a woman robot. And for some reason all my stuff by Tool is read by a German speaking robot.
I like to get a workout in around 5 days a week, so I do anything to motivate myself, including naming playlists funny things to make the white guy robot say funny things. Here are the names of the playlists currently on the little green foul-mouthed shuffle:
1. "A Gym Triathlon. Put It In My Pooper." One day I thought I would make up goals for three different exercise machines (treadmill, upright bike, sitting down bike) for a little triathlon I could do with no rest in between. I'm a weirdo. Put it in my pooper was just for laughs - not part of the triathlon.
2. "A Shed Aquarium, Muthafucka!" You will notice I put the letter "A" to get the new list at the beginning of the queue so I don't have to cycle all the way through. Shed Aquarium is the place to see all kinds of aquatic animals in Chicago, and it was a milestone for building up miles for my latest marathon. Muthafucka was just funny because Mr. Robot is just so very white. He says it nothing like Samuel L. Jackson.
3. "Arm Day for Pussies." This was an attempt to employ some tough love on myself to get me to work harder on my scrawny girl arms. I wish Mr. Robot had yelled it at me like an asshole high school football coach, but he did a pretty good job all things considered.
4. "Beach Workout Bonanza." I'm not crazy about this title. I just needed some Megadeth and the like to get me through a bunch of workout stations in the park near the beach. Should have threw a damn swear into that title. Damn it.
5. "Chest Rockwell." Those of you who are fans of "Boogie Nights," my favorite film of all time, know that this name is the character John C. Riley invents to be the crime fighting sidekick to Dirk Diggler's Brock Landers. Inspiration for this one came on a day when I was trying to engorge my concave, awful excuse for chest muscles.
6. "McCormick Place, My Niggas." McCormick place is the giant convention center in Chicago and the spot I run to and from to know I'm ready for a marathon - do believe it's around an 18 mile trip. "My Niggas" was just to, again, make a white robot say goofy ass hoodrat stuff. Wait, "Goofy Ass Hoodrat Stuff" is not an all together bad playlist title . . .
7. "Oh Yeah! Time To Run Around This Big Ass God Damn Lake." This was the perfect title for running around Lake Geneva. You got a better name for it?
8. "Pull Over 'Dat Ass Too Fat. Woot Woot!" On the way back from Wisconsin, Dr. Ken and his lady were singing this one all through out the cheese castle, so when I got home I just had to hear White Robot sing it for me too.
9. "Quadzilla Day" I figured this was a good title for when you're lifting weights with your legs, which is an incredibly boring muscle group with which to lift things.
Okay, that's all I got. My muscles are still weak, but I had a few good laughs.