Monday, October 04, 2010

"I Watched Some of "Teen Wolf Too" the Other Day . . .

. . . and boy is it ever craptastic. I mean, at least "Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise" (1987) had a couple of good moments, but this thing is just rotten. Granted, the first one was not likely to win any awards, but I'd say that the most clever thing in the entire sequel is using the word "too" instead of "two," and that's barely smart. Here are the worst things about this steaming pile of crud movie:

1. Justin Bateman just isn't as likable as Michael J. Fox. It's not all his fault. I mean, the script sucks, and I think the budget wasn't as good because his makeup for the wolf just looks creepy and cheap. Fox's wolf was charming, and Bateman's is ugly and just looks like a crappy Halloween costume.

2. Instead of basketball, this wolf's sport is boxing. Now, the thing that always bothered me about a kid turning into a werewolf and dominating high school basketball, is that there was no press coming to these games. There were literally like 25 kids at these games with risers that were no more than five rows deep. Wouldn't that be a national news story - Someone turning into a fictional lycanthrope beast and dunking in games? Okay, well, let's just say that maybe we will allow this werewolf to play basketball. Sure. But boxing? That thing's going to kill someone in that ring! If that were my kid off at college getting mauled by a werewolf in that ring, I'd be pissed, right?

3. They couldn't get Michael J. Fox back, but they did get the guy who played Chubby in the first film, the poor kid who looked so pasty and fat in that basketball jersey and clearly had no athletic ability. While they got him, they couldn't get the original "Stiles," - the guy who encouraged Fox's character to play the most reckless dangerous game of all time: Car surfing. As if standing on a van during hair pin turns isn't dangerous enough, but the wolf would turn back flips up there. Anyway, new "Stiles" looks kind of like Boner from "Growing Pains," only he has maybe the longest mullet of the 80's for a guy not in Kajagoogoo.

That's all I got for now. What do you think is one of the crummiest sequels of all time?

13 comments:

Heff said...

I think you named it. "Too" was a MASSIVE stinker.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: Yeah. It's shite. With an "e."

Heff said...

I also CAN'T STAND Jason Bateman, although I honestly have no reasoning behind that.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Doctor: dang it ate my comment...I like the Original teen wolf mpvie. Check out...Tony's ligous when they go to my booze...across the street is a dairy queen and a movie theater. That place isn't far from where I was a kid.

the second one bites the big one and I love justin bateman, but hey...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Spikey: Yes. Bites the big one in a major way. It bit it so hard, my biggish one felt it.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: I have an irrational hatred of Matt Damon that I can't quite explain, so don't worry about it. We don't need a reason to hate. HATE! HATE! HATE!!

Andrew said...

Love the Kajagoogoo reference.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Andrew: Some might say you are too shy-shy, hush-hush, shy-do-i. But I wouldn't say that.

radioactive girl said...

I had such a secret crush on Boner when I used to watch Growing Pains. I never told anyone because I was kind of embarrassed....I think the teenage law was that you were supposed to have a crush on Mike Seaver and while I did admire his independent rebellious nature, I always kind of thought Boner was kind of adorable in a bumbling kind of way. It seems like now enough time has gone by that I am cool with admitting it.

radioactive girl said...

P.S. Why do I suddenly feel like I am always using your comments as a place for random confessions? Possibly because I love the music playing and am not ready to click away yet so I just confess random crap instead?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Radio: Boner killed himself, right? Sad. : (

Feel free to stick around listening to good songs and confessing shit. This is a safe place.

: )

BeckEye said...

I love Jason Bateman now, but I never did then.

And new Stiles SUCKS. No one can replace the original Stiles. He was a golden god. And a merchandising whiz.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Beck: Yeah, original Stiles was a marketing whiz. Agreed.