Monday, February 21, 2011

Hey. Here's a Letter I Wrote To Oprah This One Time

I'm personally not very interesting, noteworthy, or even that great a person, to be honest, but my sister is the most incredible woman I know. I'm writing you in the hopes that you give her the opportunity to see a taping of the show, and maybe you can stuff some cool free stuff under her seat like I've seen you folks do. She that, and to be fair, she deserves a lot more, but for now, maybe her seeing her favorite show and getting some free crap would make me feel like life is at least a little fair.

She's a single mother, raising three boys, and she works as a full time lawyer. Now, there's loads of folks who are doing similar things, but this wasn't her plan. Her idiot husband started banging strippers left-and-right (it's a wonder I got through the whole thing without punching him), they got a divorce, and she had to go back to work. It's not something she necessarily wanted to do because she loved being a stay-at-home mom, but she had to do it.

She excels at her job and as a mother. Sometimes when I have a long day and come home for a workout or even a nap, I think to myself that she doesn't have the option to just "chill." She has to raise these three boys, and she does a terrific job without much help from her ex, who is a grown man-chilld.

She's a hero. No, she's not running with puppies out of burning buildings, but she's the kind of hero who does heroic stuff all day long, every day, and nobody seems to give a damn. She handles her business, and I can tell you right now, even if I'm a little biased, that her boys are three of the smartest, most well-mannered, funniest little guys of all time.

If you can find a seat for her, I think she would find that amazing, and if there's no free stuff lying around the studio, just seeing the show would be cool for her. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and have yourself a good day.

Regards,

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

7 comments:

Aubree said...

one time i entered an oprah contest, i had to read some book and write an essay and everything but of course oprah didn't pick me for the winner. jerk.

Andrew said...

Oprah's a turd.

Gorilla Bananas said...

A very modest request for one so awesome. I would have written to the USAF to give her a ride in a U2, assuming she'd be interested in seeing the curvature of the Earth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6cZLfK4Zjk

radioactive girl said...

You are an incredible guy to think of your sister like this. My situation is so similar to your sister's situation except hookers (while I had cancer and he decided I should do that sick part on my own), not strippers. I tried to tell my brother about it and he kind of said "guys do things" and wasn't very supportive. So I guess as much as you admire your sister, and I really really do to because it is fucking hard to do this on your own especially when that wasn't the plan and it was kind of thrown at her/me, I kind of admire you for being there for her when she needs you. You may think there is nothing especially noteworthy about you but I am telling you, a lot of people are not as supportive and helpful as you are.

Joe White said...

God bless her.

Sister said...

Matt, you are super amazing. You need to just see yourself the way we all see you. Thanks for everyting. I love you!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Aubre: That's B.S.! I'll write a letter for you too . . .

Andrew: Yes. But a rich turd.

Gorilla: You got a hookup? : )

Radio: Thanks! You're good people.

Joe: Yes, indeed. Hey, I took you off the blogroll because I thought you were gone . . .

Sister: Thanks, sis. See you at Harpo Studios.