Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Tasty Beers and Random-Ass Conversation

My good friend, LaFontaine, and I stopped into a new Brewery to review their beers.  Actually, he has knowledge of beers and has a site where he rates them, and my specialty is more in the area of engaging and notating the "Random Conversation" where I will relay to you what goofy things were discussed at the time we drank each one.  I'll give my "Impressions" of the beers too, but you'll want to go by Lafontaine's page for a more in depth analysis of that sort of thing if you are a beer enthusiast.

Atlas Golden Ale
Impressions: "Is this one flat?"
Random Conversation: LaFontaine and I were talking about a professional wrestling party that I am throwing soon, and he had to admit that, due to being a Black guy, he will have to go as Junkyard Dog with a giant chain around his neck and "thump" written on his ass.  We also decided that girls would need a whole other theme because we couldn't have 14 Miss Elizabeth's walking around up in that piece.

Demeter Belgian Wheat
Impressions: "I always like the wheaty ones better."
Random Conversation: I pointed out that LaFontaine didn't notice that I had grown out stupid-looking mutton chops this summer.  He said that he noticed them, but he didn't think I was looking for commentary on them.

Brother Mauro
Impressions: "This one says it has lychee aromas in it.  Who could give a beer a sniff and discern that it smells like a fruit I've barely heard of?"
Random Conversation: The men's gymnastics were on in the Olympics, and LaFontaine and I decided that if you show us a man who is good at the pommel horse, we will show you a man who has racked his craw dads horribly and painfully over-and-over again when he started doing it.  

Nalad Summer Belgian IPA
Impressions: "Citrusy!  Sunny Delight should make a beer.  Maybe it could come in the same bottle shape, only a 12 oz version!"
Random Conversation: I was telling LaFontaine how I had a dream that my girlfriend and I were staying at a hotel in Idaho for whatever reason, and she killed a couple people.  I remember that she had her reasons, and while I thought killing them was a little drastic, I was on board for helping her get away with it.  We paid with a credit card, which had me worried that if they found the bodies, police would have our names to use as a list of suspects.  Then I was trying to convince her that we should drive our asses to Mexico.  I asked LaFontaine what this dream might mean, but he said he stopped listening midway through and again marveled at how those gymnastics kids don't bang their testicles on that pommel horse.  

Diversey Pale Ale
Impressions: "Creamy!  Remember Creamsicles?  Was there a difference between those and Dreamsicles?"
Random Conversation: At this point LaFontaine and I were trying to decide which bar to watch The Bears this football season.  For me, whether or not they played "Bear Down" after a touchdown was a biggy, while beer selection was a deciding factor for him.  I'm confident that through perseverance, we can come to a peaceful resolution.  I have a dream - sicle . . . 

Hyperion Double IPA
Impressions: "I hate the hoppy ones, but shouldn't this be hoppier if it's double the IPA because IPA's are always the hoppy as heck ones that dry my whole mouth out?"
Random Conversation: I pointed out that LaFontaine's stuffy nose didn't sound as bad as when he came in, and we were thinking that if beer cured the common cold, Chicagoans would never have the slightest sniffle.  

Deep End Stout
Impressions: "This one is like drinking a steak!"  
Random Conversation: We were talking about DSL's, which is a crude acronym for women's lips, if you must know, and he was trying to convince me that NFL sideline reporter, Pam Oliver, was fine as hell in the 1980's and had some really nice DSL's.  I looked it up, and it wasn't easy to find a picture back far enough to convince me, but ultimately, he's right!  Thank you, google images.  

1871 Smoked Porter
Impressions: "I didn't care for this one at first, but the more I drink, the more it's my favorite one.  It's a grower, not a shower."  
Random ConversationLaFontaine at this time mixed 2/3 of the Deep End Stout with 1/3 of the Double IPA, and we both loved it.  Two of the guys who worked there dug it too, and one of them had to admit, "I think you guys just discovered our best beer . . ."  Yes!  We are alchemists.  I then got a whole pint of the LaFontaine Blend, and then "sampled" (read "chugged") way too many Bud Lights with my buddy, Oates.  


Again, swing by LaFontaine's page if you're curious what all these things actually tasted like, and I did another one of these called Night of the Horrendous Beer Tasting with my other good friend, The Locust, where we drank some of the most vile winter brews under the sun.  

What do you think, readers?  Any beer you could recommend?  Any ones that you would pass up even on the worst Friday of work of your life? 


anusha bizconn said...

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Anonymous said...

This is awesome. The fact that you remember these random conversations is what I find most fascinating. By the time I got to the Nalad I'd be speaking in tongue. Like I'm talking literally speaking into some random dude's tongue.


ps. "It's a grower, not a shower" is my new favorite saying.

Radioactive Tori said...

I love all your random conversations. Your dream is awesome. I think I'd like to find a guy who would dream that he'd help me cover up a murder even though he thought it was a bit drastic. Awesome!

The Grand Wave said...

That sounds like quite a good night of drinking good local beer. I'm in Houston so our local beer brands are different, but if you happen to find a St. Arnold's beer of any variety, give it a shot.

P.S. The ReCaptcha on this comment was bilinedt. It made me think of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. "Be excellent to each other."

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Anusha: Thanks for advertising on my site. You'll rope in loads of people from my site that gets between 1 and 10 comments a post, almost always closer to one though.

Convo: There is no way I could remember all those topics discussed without taking copious notes on the beer menu. As for the "grower' phrase, that's usually one to describe male sex organs, but it works for beer and other things too.

Radio: I'm confident that you will find that man who will help you literally get away with murder. LSD was cracking up when I told her about that dream, especially the bit about the credit card.

Grand: I know that I have done something right when Grand Wave drops a comment because that is only every so often. Thanks for coming by, brother. I will for sure give that beer a try if it ever comes my way. And as always, be excellent to each other . . .

Mr. Shife said...

You make me laugh. I am also glad to hear the words Junkyard Dog today. He used to be my favorite dude when I was hardcore into the WWF errr I mean WWE but it was WWF when I was into it. I am enjoying Sam Adams Octoberfest and Full Sail Pale Ale then I get really wicked by pouring the Miller High Life down my throat. And yes I said the Miller High Life because it is that awesome.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Love alchemy!!!

And, a WWF party?? Incredible idea. I would think that as a fan you wouldn't mind having 14 "miss Elizabeth's" running around. She was a hottie!!!!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: I'll keep an eye out for Full Sail. The thing with me is I like one of those craft brews, but then I just like around 10 or 12 Miller Lights.

Candy: You're invited. Get your dress and your sash, and tease those bangs out.