Tuesday, November 03, 2009
What Critter Would You Shtupp?
I was at a bar not too long ago, and somehow, I'm never sure exactly how, we got talking about what animal we would fornicate. We're talking you have to do it, like your family is in danger if you don't run over there and hump that rhino, your whole family is offed execution style. I'll now give you the results, protecting their anonymity, as no one wants to be known as a monkey fucker, or whatever the case may be.
1. 23-year-old Female: Horse. Ouch! Later she said that she meant she would "F" the horse, but no, there are no use of strap-ons. That doesn't count! I never got another answer.
2. 24-year-old Female: Octopus. She liked the idea of tentacles all over various parts of her a body; she likes a multitasker.
3. 35-year-old Male: Hippo. "Big, wide ass" he said, demonstrating the width of the hippo's hands with his massive hands.
4. 32-year-old Male: Dolphin. "They're always smiling, they're the only known animal to have sex for pleasure, and nailing a dolphin would be somehow . . . beautiful."
5. 27-year-old Male: Human. "A human being is an animal." Booooooo! That was cheap!
6. 25-year-old Male: Dolphin. He then sited the same random statistic the other guy said about the dolphin having sex for pleasure, despite not being there for that conversation. This excited the previous subject who then drunkenly blurted out, "We're breaking into Sea World and fucking dolphins!"
7. 23-year-old Male: Monkey. "They're the closest to humans." Is that really better? I think I'd rather have something furthest removed once I'm out of the realm of humans, as I've been with some at the brink of exiting that realm.
8. 26-year-old Female and Bartender: Cat. She did not have time to elaborate, but I guess she's a cat person. We elaborated for her, speculating that it may be good to have your cat declawed before attempting this, unless that element of danger gets you going.
What is the point of this exercise you may ask? Well, ask yourself, is there not a difference between a girl who wants to be titillated by the various extensions of the delicate octopus and the one who wants to be railed by a big, hulking horse? I'd say so.
How about you, Seven Readers? Which animal would you make love to, and why?
And remember, there's a blog below posted moments ago, so try to get by and comment on that one too (still posting two a day to get caught up). Thanks!