Saturday, September 04, 2010

"Talk To Me, Goose . . ."

When I was in a relationship, around a week ago, I would always think that if I found myself single, I'd be screwed because all of my friends are married. Well, here I am, and I'm finding myself in a very wingman depleted market.

Now I look at dudes I know and think about how they would be as a potential Goose to my Maverick or maybe Maverick to my Goose depending on the chemistry between us. I play volleyball with a guy who I went to high school with who is good looking, funny, and he looks a little like me, so we could tell ladies that we are brothers and stuff, but he's so, so married. Darn!



I have a couple of other dudes to work with, but it's just disheartening to know that the most compatible wingman of all time for me was Heterosexual Life Partner (HLP), and I'll never do better than that one. We used to be out together, talking/dancing with a pair of girls, and one of us would lean in and say, "Which one do you like?" and the other one would always say, "Whatever. Either one." We never had any conflicts with that sort of stuff, and whether or not we found love/other things that night, we always kept each other laughing.

How about you, Seven Readers? Did you/do you have a Goose or a Maverick you want to tell us about?

15 comments:

Heff said...

"I WORK ALONE..."

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: Haha. Heff's a one man fucking wrecking crew out there.

BeckEye said...

"Whatever, either one?" Wow, you guys were picky.

Pretty much all of my friends are married too, but it seems that no matter who I go out with, she always gets more attention. One of my married friends is GORGEOUS, and I can't tell you how many times we've gone out and had numerous men come over and hit on her, and when she shows them her wedding ring, it doesn't even faze them. She'll tell the guy I'm single and he'll just look at me, nod and continue hitting on her. When they eventually realize that she's not going home with them, they just leave. Sometimes I wonder if I turn into a Shrek-like ogre between my house and the bar. :)

When my BFF and I were younger, we went out every weekend. I was always the nice one who was looking for a boyfriend and she was super loud and crazy and, while not a slut, she would often put out the vibe that she was looking for some fun. Yet, I always got the guys who just wanted to bang me and she always got the guys who wanted to marry her.

b.burjan said...

i've never used wingmen. before my most recent ex, when i was getting my work/'art' out there, i really didn't have to try, i kinda felt guilty about that...though art chicks are absolutely off their rockers, and i need a break from them.. so i suppose i need to re-examine my game.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Beck: You got the slutty one's number? Kidding! Kidding! Hope you have success in the love life really soon. : )

Brad: Oh yeah, artistic chicks are fun because they are free spirits, but they can be firecrackers. Good luck with the ladies, brother!

Andrew said...

I've never had a wingman. I, like Beck, am the friend who always gets ignored. Even in just regular situations in stores, on campus, or at work. A few weeks ago I was with my friend at a store & the cashier was talking & talking & talking to him (I was also part of the conversation somewhat) but as soon as it was my turn to check-out, she completely shut up. When we walked away I asked if he noticed that & he kind of laughed but yeah, he did.

I'm used to that shit.

Then I had this ass-wipe roommate a year ago who was such a creep-ass but would make it seem like he was trying to be a wing man, but would then would start trying to make me look bad.

So yeah, no wing man. I'm on my own.

JerseySjov said...

i was always so aggressive with guys when i went out, my friends would sometimes find themselves bobbin in my man-wake. they were always too shy to actually take anyone home, but they goggled at my ability to charm/befriend/seduce whoever i set my sights on

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Andrew: Don't feel invisible out there! Get it done! But yeah, if you ever do use a wimgman, don't bring out a guy who's going make you look bad on purpose. What a butthole surfer, that guy.

Jov: I like your approach. Gotta fish with a big net.

Andrew said...

I didn't intend to bring him out like that. When I first moved in with him I would go out with him hoping that I would meet people in spite of him & make my own friends but it didn't work out well. Then he would just randomly show up where I was. A lot of my original posts on my blog mention him (My Giant).

I just moved to a new town so hopefully things will start to look up for me.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Andrew: Haha. I'll have to check out those posts. I really hope that guy doesn't find you in your new city like Jaws followed those people all the way across the ocean in Jaws 4: The Revenge.

Andrew said...

That would be my worst nightmare. Seriously.

Also, I refer to him as "My Giant" because he is 7'2. Seriously.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Actually 7 foot 2?

Andrew said...

Yes. He has Giantism. He's been in magazines & on CNN for it. He uses that as his claim to fame. Better that than his basketball "skills."

He always used to tell people he was "6'14'" to try to trip them up. He tried that on me but I immediately countered with, "You're 7'2"?" He didn't seem amused that I ruined his little joke.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'm 5'14"

Andrew said...

HA!