I just did some yoga with HLP's wife, and instead of going to the gym next door as planned, she talked me into getting pizza and going back to HLP's place, where we found Steven Seagal's Marked for Death to be on the plasma.

Let me tell you a few awesome/terrible things about this film . . .

1. The bad guy in the film is a Jamaican drug lord named Screwface with scary eyes, and Steven goes after this guy, breaking like 20 Jamaican arms in the process.

2. Seagal is so chubby, moves so slow, walks around like he has a stick up his ass, and he somehow can beat up a room full of people in his movies.

3. The soundtrack is actually really good with some great reggae songs by Jimmy Cliff and Peter Tosh, along with some random old school rap songs by Young MC and Tone Loc.

4. So, after chopping the head off of the bad guy, Seagal and his cronies bring the head to show a bunch of other baddies, only to have Jamaican Drug Lord Guy show up with his head still attached, somehow. He has a twin brother! So, Seagal has a sword fight with him, cutting his forehead pretty good, pops his thumbs through his eyes, gives him a Wrestlemania back breaker, and throws him through a wall, down an elevator shaft, to be skewered on a pole like so much Jamaican jerk chicken. His one liner? "I hope they're not triplets," or something like that. Terrible!

5. One infamous mistake in the film involves a car chase through Chicago where there are palm trees along the street. Huh? I've lived here all my life, and rarely do I see those.

The bottom line is this: If I could kick as much butt as Seagal, I'd opt for pizza over the gym just about every night, and I'd rock my gut and pony tail whilst busting arms.