Weekly Butt Whippings In a Padded Room Are Good For the Doctor

Once a week a friend of mine is showing me some basic Ju Jitsu moves and technique.  I have been a fan of mixed martial arts for a long time, and it kind of makes sense to actually learn what I am watching these people do.  Also, I am reaching an age where I know I will regret not having tried certain things.

I go to my friend Choo Choo's house once a week where we walk into a little room with padded floors and walls and tie on our gi's.  His wife must be the most understanding woman ever.  She has to tell guests, "and that's our padded room."  After warming up a bit, we go over six or seven basic moves a day that are written on the wall.  It turns out that I am terrible at learning new things.  I know this about myself, but I'm determined to not let that be who I am.  What I don't want to do is stagnate.  I have to force my brain to learn the steps of these moves, and it's something really difficult for me.  But I know it's good for the brain to make it work hard.  

Yesterday he was showing me how when you have someone mounted, that you want to look up high because when you look down at the person you end up leaning down and leaving yourself vulnerable. Just for the hell of it, I asked him all the crazy stuff he could do to me if I leaned in.  He then nearly choked me to death in like five different ways.  I think it was a good learning experience to get dominated by someone half my size.  Very humbling.



Choo Choo is around the same size as the guy in this video, and I'm in the neighborhood of 6'2 and 205 pounds.

How about you, readers?  Trying any new things lately?  
  

Samoans, Do the Humpty Hump

A friend-of-a-friend got mugged by three guys a block away from my house fairly early in the evening on a weeknight, which really worried me. I was telling LSD, my girlfriend, and she asked if he was able to identify them. I told her that they were Samoans, but I was just kidding. But, would if they were? I imagine you could outrun some Samoan gentlemen, given their size . . .

LSD then told me that Tongans are also big people, and she's right because I looked it up and 90% of Tongan people are overweight. They share the distinction of the highest overweight and obese population with the neighboring Nauru.

So, if your would-be muggers are a Samoan, a Tongan, and a Nauruan, the best course of action would be to run, feed them, or spark up an argument between them about Tonga's Constitutional Monarchy.

A New Hood Term

I was working with an African American student on the west side of Chicago today, and he claimed to be tired from playing "the game" all night. Sidebar: African American kids always say that they play "the game" in reference to video games in general, whereas kids of other nationalities will say "play video games," or just name the system, such as "play Playstation" or "play my D.S."

But, that's not the new term I wanted to share with you. He went on to say that "Gran Turismo" was humpin' all night. In other words, he was playing the game for a long time, and it was a lot of fun. The game wasn't literally humping the console; they don't do that quite yet.

I looked up the word in this sense on Urban Dictionary just now, and the only sense they had it in was to say that you're working hard on something as fast as you can, as in, "I'm humpin' it, so get off my back!"

What do you think, Seven Readers? Do you think you can use this most modern of slang terms in daily conversation in your lifer or least in the comments section?

Here's mine, "I was out at the bar drinkin' my tits off, and UFC was humpin' on the plasmas til midnight!"