Sunday, January 25, 2009


I just finished a play in Chicago about infidelity, and my next project will more than likely, at least partly, deal with cheating as well. My writing partner and I decided that lots of authors continue with or revisit a theme if they still have more to say on the topic, and this theme is still important to me at least, as evidenced by this conversation I had with my girlfriend the other day.

Gancer: Seriously, though. If you ever slept with anyone I know, I'd have to kill you.

Gancy GF: Excuse me???!!!!

Gancer: Well, you know. I wouldn't kill you, but I'd be pissed as hell. I'd hurt you real bad, like with a pillow case full of oranges or something.

GF: Jesus, Gancer!!

Gancer: I wouldn't physically harm you. I'm just kidding. I could never hit a woman or a man for that matter. I've never even been in a fight. So, I wouldn't hurt you physically, but I'd make your life a living hell.

GF: Why are you threatening me like this?

Gancer: I'm not! I wouldn't ever make your life hell. I care for you way too much to do that, but I'd certainly have to do something.

GF: Like?

Gancer: Well, maybe pour some water in your car locks in the dead of winter to freeze 'um up real good or move all your picture frames around slightly to screw with your OCD tendencies or take your mail so that you never get your heat bill and they shut the gas off and . . .

GF: (incredulous stare)

Gancer: I really wouldn't do anything at all, but I'd be so hurt. Please don't ever do anything like that.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Halite, Halite. My Boyfriend's Back.

I was at work the other day helping some kids learn how to add and subtract fractions, when I found myself singing to them two ninths to the tune of Phil Collins: "Two ninths, two ninths, two ni-iinths. Woh ooooooh." I don't think they remember the song, but I think they liked it anyway cause I'm a lot of fun.

It got me thinking about one of my favorite teachers in high school who when quizzing us on the different types of rocks would cue us for halite by saying, "my boyfriend's back." You know, "halite, halite. My boyfriend's back."

He would also say, and keep in mind that he looked like Christopher Reeves but talked like Yogi Bear, "Gancer, I will give you an all expenses, paid trip to the in-school suspension room!" Just before a three day weekend, he would say, "I tell you what. You kids have been so good. Don't even come on Monday. I'm serious. Take the day off. You've earned it.

I found myself saying that last one to the kids yesterday, since MLK Day is Monday. I'm officially a nerdy teacher.

Okay, Seven Readers who I'll soon have to call Three Readers, who was one of your favorite teachers growing up? What was one of their catch phrases?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sorry about the decline in blogs lately, but I should be back to at least four or five a month now that this play is over with. We sold out all three night and even had some standing room only! Everyone is telling me how much they liked it, but I know that I can't just bask in that - I need to build on it. There will be a short break, but then I need another project to stay creative.

I just did a piece on about how I think the movie Caddyshack is overrated, and because it pissed so many people off, I got more comments than I've gotten on any blog in a long time. It was tough to see all those people slam me, but I know I'm right - and no press is bad press, right?

I also put up a new blog on the Loitering Hole play site, and you can read that by clicking here.

Have I ever told you guys about Brutal Jim*? His name isn't Jim, but he's brutal to talk to, so we call him Brutal Jim. He's always talking about how much money he makes, and he's one of those really dorky guys who thinks he's cool and is kind of mean, perhaps in an attempt to overcompensate for his dorkiness. Well, I ran into him recently, and he's still as brtual as ever. Anyone have a fun nickname for someone they know?

*His name isn't really Jim. I just wanted to change it in case he or someone he is close to reads this. Fuck it. He's brutal. His name is Bill. Just kidding!