My girlfriend and I finally made it through the two years of a long-distance relationship while she was in graduate school.  I picked her up the other night from the airport, and we moved her stuff into my crummy apartment that is now our crummy apartment.

This morning I woke up and thought of something funny to text her, and while reaching to my right to grab my phone, I saw that she was right there to my left - next to me in bed.  Forever.

I pulled her in close, she scooted her behind in close to me, and we went back to sleep in each other's arms.  

I forgot what I wanted to tell her.  I'm sure it wasn't important.  

I was at a karaoke bar with a bunch of friends the other night, and I noticed a guy I remembered seeing the last time I was there so he is likely always there.  He looked to be in his upper 40's, had pro wresting hair (bald on top and long in the back), and he just hung out drinking Coors Lights and keeping the DJ company all night, off and on singing a song, usually by the Eagles.

At one point the DJ called for a guy to sing who was nowhere to be found, and my buddy, Choo Choo Train, said "That's karaoke abandonment!"  It was.  And that is high crime where Choo Choo and I come from . . .

After last call, wrestling hair guy went up to sing the last song of the evening, "Faithfully" by Journey.  Now, this is a rather cornball song, but on this particular evening it was the perfect one to play.  I remember playing that song on my sister's CD player because I didn't have one yet, reading along with the lyrics, and wondering how a little weasel like Steve Perry could sing like that.  The whole bar must have some fond memories because they were all singing along arm-in-arm, swaying back-and-forth the way drunks often do.  This particular song also hit me hard because as Steve sang about being apart not being easy on his love affair, I was reminded of the fact that I have been doing the long distance relationship thing for the last 2 years, still seeing each other around once a month, but with just 2 months to go until we're together for good, it's harder than ever.

Thanks for listening and for "stand (ing) by me" all these years, 7 Readers.

And now, an 8-year-old Filipino girl absolutely crushing "Faithfully" by Journey.

Sushi for One Is Like . . . The Wind

I was wore out after a long work day, and all I wanted to do was park the car, get something to eat, and pass out.  I didn't want to wait for something to be delivered, so I went to the sushi place across the street from my apartment and got a table for one.  That is fine with me.  I don't care that there are a few couples in there, a couple of ladies together drinking wine, and then a table of newly 21-year-olds talking about buying beer.  That's fine.  I'm a grown-ass man and can eat by myself.

Then suddenly, when moments ago I didn't even take notice what songs were playing, I hear the first few notes of "She's Like the Wind" by Patrick Swayze, and now it feels really awkward being alone.  What a terrible, awful, melodramatic song, and with no one to laugh at it with, it just made me feel pathetic there alone, swirling my wasabi and soy in a lonely pattern.



Then it got worse.  They played "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, a song that my long distance girlfriend, who is right now a long distance away, have sang a bunch of times in numerous karaoke bars all across Chicago.  I know it's kind of a corny song, but it's also a pretty good one; and when it means something to you, the lyrics are suddenly profound.  Like the two in the song, I wanted to call her up to tell her I love her and to come back home.  I had to settle up the bill and get the hell out of there before I started crying into my sushi, blaming it on the ginger.

We had all summer together, and when she is done with these last 3 quarters of school, we'll be back together for good, but it is just hard on nights like this.  I just need other strategies besides Kid Rock's drink her away formula . . . .



How about you guys?  You ever been in a long-distance relationship and/or had a bad dinner for one experience?

More Updates from Your Boy Ken

1. It looks like the end of the strike is near, and I should be back to work on Wednesday.

2. That won't be enough time for my hard drive (and all my music) to be recovered to make the Strike Mix to bring to the picket line, which is a shame because I had the whole thing mapped out in my crazy little head.  Shot out to Colby over at the computer place for recovering all my music.  This time I'm going to buy two external hard drives in case something goes wrong with one like it did this time.  Colby said this is recommended, but I'm told wearing two rubbers at once, using the same logic, is not a good idea. 

3. LSD goes back to school Saturday on the west coast for one more school year so she and I will be back to our long distance relationship.  I will really miss having her here every day, giving her a goodbye kiss every morning, but just like the last year, we will be stronger for having gone through it.

4. While typing this up, I'm listening to Aerosmith's "Get Your Wings," an actual good Aerosmith recording from the old days, and I think I figured out where Steven Tyler went horribly wrong.  While most rockers get more laid back and retrospective as they get older, Steven tried to be more flamboyant with yips and howls to make his aging voice stand out on recordings, and he acts stupid to get more attention during public appearances.  This is a horribly embarrassing phenomenon.



5. I finally saw Gwar over the weekend at Riot Fest in Chicago.  I sat at the perfect distance to be really close but not too close where I would get blood all over my clothes and skin.  Whatever means of spurting blood they could find after killing whoever they killed, all fluids would fall two feet short of me.



That's it for me.  Any thoughts on any of this?  What have you been up to?

Denver

I'm off to Denver tomorrow after work to spend the weekend with my lady who is flying out from L.A. where she's living for just one more year . . .

Anyone ever been to Denver?  We have no major plans outside of maybe some bike riding, a ballgame, some hiking, a brewery, some dinner, some wine, and catching up.

What's cool is that it's right in between us, so it's just a 2 hour flight for each of us.  If we end up liking it out there, we'll do it again same time next year . . .

Rules for Long Distance Relationships

My girlfriend, LSD, and I came up with some simple rules to long distance dating, and maybe they can help you too.

1. You can't sleep with other people.

2. Well, you can, but only if they're celebrities.

3. But they have to be major celebrities on a list submitted to one another, since LSD has already rubbed elbows with a few stars, making just any celebrity a possibility.

4. Come to think of it, Dr. Ken gets to have twice as many celebrities on his list since he lives nowhere near L.A.

5. No sex with animals either.

6. Unless they're really famous animals. For instance, one of the dogs from the "Kardasians" wouldn't count, but the president's dog is fair game or Bubbles, Michael Jackson's chimp, since, being the king of pop, Michael's chimp is royalty.

7. No peeing on dogs or chimps. That's just too weird.

So long as we follow these simple rules, I think we'll make it.

Long Distance Runner and Long Distance Relationshiper

A few weeks ago I was intent on running from my house to Navy Pier (in Chicago), and it's not enough to just say I'm going to the Pier because I didn't want to leave it vague so that I'd turn around early. So, instead, I said I had to pat the head of one of the statues in there, preferably an R2D2 mailbox, which was no longer there, so I had to opt for a statue of some kids playing "ring around the rosie." I did okay on that run (10 miles or so), but it took me 4 and 1/2 hours to run the marathon and my dad did his in like 3:07 at my age. It took me an hour and a half longer. My dad could have finished his race, popped in "Zombie Land" and watched the whole thing in a Lazy Boy, waiting for me to finish. That is, if time and space allowed such a scenario for our 34-year-old selves to race one another and there were big chairs and televisions at the finish . . .

Later that night, I ordered in sushi by myself and watched a movie, also by myself. It was kind of lonely night for me in a big empty house, missing my girlfriend who is living in L.A. In fact, when the character in the movie, "Zombie Land," as a matter of fact, says how he loves to brush a woman's hair behind her ear, I got insanely jealous; I love that move. Yes, I was jealous of a fictional character merely because he got to touch another fictional person's hair and ear.

So, that's me: A long distance runner and a long distance relationshiper, and I'm finding that I'm not too good at either one. And they're both equally painful.

Yet Some More Gancey Updates

1. I have interns for the first time of my life, and it's a lot of fun but sort of more work, at least at first. In the long run, they're going to help me with the insane workload, but right now I have to run all over the place and keep checking back in with them to give them stuff to do. You know what I have noticed that is funny? When I drop some bomb-ass knowledge, or just say anything, even goofy stuff, they write it down. What a power trip! I hope they don't share these notes during their college courses or their professor will think they've signed up for Kramerica.

2. LSD, the girlfriend, will have been gone to L.A. a week tomorrow. You know what's annoying is when haters are blatantly negative about us trying this. Yeah, I have made some piss-poor choices with women, but now I'm a grown-ass man, and I know for a fact that I'm doing the right thing. Believe it or not, this was a conversation I had with someone today at work.

Dr. Ken: So I was thinking of taking that Friday off since I'll be going to L.A. and there will be nothing going on here that day.

Coworker: Yeah? Why are you going there.

Dr. Ken: My girlfriend lives there.

Coworker: That's what you're doing now? Dating a girl living in California?

Dr. Ken: Yup.

Coworker: Why?

Dr. Ken: Because she's my shit.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

That just says it all. In fact, I could hear that at a wedding.

Priest/Minister/or Whoever: Do you take LSD to be your lawful wedded wife?

Dr. Ken: Yeah! Duh! She's my shit!

Optimistic Prime

LSD and I went to an alumni party for the graduate school she is going to in California, and the rest of the new students they were welcoming were incoming undergraduates. I joked with her on the ride up that someone was going to think we were an undergraduate student's parents, and someone actually did ask us that. I don't think we look old enough to have an 18-year-old kid, but I was hungover and she was tired from a half-marathon. Still, that was a tactless question, and the guy with a lack of tact was my role at this function, damn it.

It was at someone's house, and they had lots of money. I'll never have a kitchen that big. Ever. There were some pretty awesome cookies with the school's mascot on them, so that was fun. Also, I started with two coke zeros, and then my mood really improved when I saw there were Heinekens in another cooler.

I met a mathematician, so I asked her if she heard the one about the constipated mathematician? You know, he worked it out with a pencil? Now, that's a disgusting joke that paints a really gross picture, but how often do I get a chance to use that joke?

We met a girl with the last name of Stream, so we'll say her name was Sandy Stream, and I told LSD on the ride home that she has a great pee-pee-porn name.

Maybe it's best for LSD's career that she get away from me for a little while . . .

On a serious note, we met a guy who seemed very sad for us that we're starting this long-distance relationship, but he seemed to like us and was optimistic, reminding us that two years when you're an adult goes by very fast. I'm trying to be optimistic too, like Optimistic Prime. I mean, I am a pretty awesome boyfriend for driving her to and from this event, and peppering conversations with uncomfortable comments. If I could turn into an 18-wheeler like Optimistic Prime, I'd drive all her stuff out there, turn into a robot for a bit, run around on the beach scaring the shit out of people, maybe even have an awesome tailgate party in the back.

Wait, what happened to the "serious note?" This will be a tough period, but she's the shit, I'm the shit, and together we're anything but shitty, so this just has to work. Thanks for reading, everyone.