Best Nude Scenes Ever #10 through 7

In this first installment, Crom and myself discuss our personal top ten lists, numbers 10 through 7.  Stay tuned to when we finish out lists and come up with a master nudie list.  This is important stuff, people . . .

A couple quick things . . .

1. There was a time where I really did think I would be a published writer of some kind.  As I get older, the creative juices don't flow like they used to.  I wish I could bottle up whatever manic crazy energy I had back then and use it for a couple hours a day.  Just a couple.  Not all day long because I might have been out of my mind back then.  

2. Want to know what I'm doing these days?  Still podcasts that hardly anyone listens to.  And the topic of the latest one?  The best nude scenes in film history.  Yeah, still stuff like that.  But who cares.  As long as I stay busy.  Tonight my good friend, Crom, is coming by to edit the podcast and fix up some snags we have hit along the way.  Look for an installment to come out really soon.  

3. Oh, here's a funny story.  I'm lying down on my stomach the other day (editing the boobie podcast), and Mrs. Noisewater says, "Ooh, I think that's a spider vein on your leg.  Does anyone in your family get those?"  I sullenly reported that my dad gets them, along with varicose veins, and hemorrhoids.  To cheer myself up I said, "But can we call them spidey veins?  It's cuter."  That got a laugh.  That's all I need are laughs from friends, loved ones, and you fine folks . . .

First Adult Movie Experience Podcast: Part 3 of 3

In the final installment, Southie tells the story of the first adult film he ever saw.  He was in his Uncle's basement and had a pretty traumatic experience.  It sounds awful when you say it like that, but it's not what you think.

Songs used in the background on this podcast:

1. "The Stroke" by Billy Squire
2. "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen
3. "Let Me Put My Love Into" by AC/DC

Go ahead and give it a play or a download.  Let us know what you think, and if you haven't already, share with us the story of your first time watching a dirty movie as a kid.

First Dirty Movie Part 2: A Dangerous Encounter

This is the second of three stories in which three dudes sat around and told the stories about the first porno movie they ever saw as a kid.  In Dangerous' first time joining a Gancer podcast, he does an excellent job talking about the times he and his friends rode theirs bikes over to his neighbor Jimmy's house to watch a porno flick and the lengths they had to go to keep Jimmy's dad from figuring out.

Hope you enjoy.  Have a listen or download it by clicking the options at the top, and let us know what you think.

The songs in the background of this podcast are the "Ding Dong Song" by Gunther and "Sex Machine" by Sly and the Family Stone, and the picture below is actually the cover of the infamous movie in Mr. Dangerous' past!

First Dirty Movie Podcast: Part 1 of 3

In the latest podcast here at The Gancer, Dr. Kenneth Noisewater and his good friends Southie and Dangerous tell the stories about the first pornographic film they ever saw.  It is our contention that right or wrong, no man will forget their first.

In part one of the three part series, Dr. Ken discusses the film he saw as a youngster - a film with a surprisingly decent plot, a dirty scene with a football as a prop, and a break in that leads to a three way as punishment for the would be burglar.

Ken was rather horrified by his first adult film viewing, and you will surprised at how he exacted his revenge upon that lascivious VHS.

Hit play, enjoy, and please share in the comments what you think about it - or share your first experience.

I'm doing in a podcast today with some friends.  The topic is the first pornographic movie we ever saw.

What about you, readers?  Where did you find/buy it?  How old were you?  Do you remember the name of it?  Were you turned on or totally horrified (like me)?

Sex and the City Part 2, Part 2

In part two of the video commentary over the movie, Crom, Dr. Ken, and Southie really start to get funny, to us anyway.  I think it was the perfect level of a little buzz from a coupla' beers and we hadn't yet gone fully nuts from a long and boring chick-flick. 

Highlights:

1. Southie evidently wanks off at the office sometimes

2. The option of dropping the women of Sex and the City into Afganastan is deemed "an act of war" by Crom.  

3. The boys decide which Ninja Turtle. Golden Girl, A Team, and member of Wu Tang best fits their respective personalities.

4. Due to a rapid change in the appearance of Sarah Jessica Parker, the boys explore the notion of her playing a female Joker in an upcoming "Batman" sequel. 

Check out the Link, let me know what you think in the comments, and stay tuned for the final 2 installments!

LINK!

Sex and the City Part 2, Part 1

At long last, the video podcast of myself, Southie, and Crom doing a commentary over "Sex and the City 2."

Forgive us for some off color jokes, but there was beer flowing, it was long and terrible, and this led to some cabin fever insanity. 147 minute running time!  Why?!

So this is just part one, broken up into around 30 minute clips, available for download or just for watching.  Hope you all enjoy!

Special thanks to Crom for all his hard work on the editing process, and an apology for Southie for his crimes against humanity with his awesomely sick brand of humor.

LINK!

Tonight . . .

. . . I'm doing another podcast with Crom and Southie, and this time we're drinking beers and doing a commentary over "Sex and the City 2," you know, the one where women couldn't even stand it.  That's right.  We're going in and we're not coming out until something funny comes out of it.

Stay tuned . . .

Hate F'ing, 2nd and Final Chapter

Well, folks. Below you will find the second half of the Hate F'ing podcast (part one is a couple of posts ago). As a reminder, Hate F'ing is when you sleep with someone out of anger. The way we came up with our totals was have all participants list their submissions, we discussed, and then all entries were voted on by the group to see if they made it through to the finals (the lady needed 3 out of the 4 thumbs up to get through, not counting vote of the person who suggested the name). We then rated each of the 13 finalists one to 13, with the lowest score being the best (sort of like an NFL Confidence Pool) and added up all of our totals.

And here is the master list of most Hate F'able Famous Women in the Free World from last place to first (remember that a low score wins, like golf).

12. Sarah Silverman - 43 points

11. Paula Abdul - 41 points

10. Heidi Moutag - 39 points

9. Jessica Simpson - 37 points

8. Kristen Stewart - 37 points

7. Paris Hilton - 36 points

6. Chelsea Handler 34 points

4th and 5th (tie) Fran Drescher and Miley Cyrus (tied with 33 points

3. Ce'line Dion - 24 points

2. Sarah Palin - 17 points

1. Casey Anthony - 14 points.

Yes, Casey killed her kid, so that gave her a big edge in the hate department, being the only murderer on the list. Still, we congratulate you, Casey. And we hate you, but I'm sure you'll get that painful Hate F'ing or jail time (or both) that you deserve (like O.J.).

Remember, we're not evil, just a bunch of dudes who got together with booze and a bad idea. Also, you have to turn my music player off on my blog to along the right panel before hitting play. If you double click in the MP3, it will download to your iTunes, and if you just hit play, it will just play.

Happy Hate F'ing and Happy Valentines Day, everyone!

Hate F#cking: Part One

Yes, hate f#cking - when you hate someone so much that you want to give them a rough rodgering. I hope you enjoy this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it. As always, be sure to pause the music player on the right panel before hitting play. If you want to download it to your iTunes for some interesting conversation during your morning commute, double click where it says MP3, and if you just want to listen here on the blog, just hit the play button. Part 2 will go live in a week or so. Happy hate f#cking, everyone!

The Grudge

I got my boys coming over a podcast tonight. The topic: Top 5 Grudge F$%ks. Yes, women you hate so much that you want to give them a good rogering to teach them a lesson. Yes, it's horribly sexist, but what do you expect when you get a bunch of dudes together away from their girlfriends and load them up with beer?

This is your last chance to submit some names. They'll be here in a little bit . . .

Crom and Cliff are coming over in a little while for a Podcast where we'll be watching the Star Wars Christmas special from 1978. George Lucas wasn't too happy with how it came out, saying, "If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it."

Well, you didn't find my copy, George, and I'm going to make fun of it tonight while sipping some cheap, shitty wine with my buddies.

Expect this thing to be posted in a week or so, Seven Readers.

The Next Podcast Right Here on the Gancer

I saw my good buddy, Crom, tonight, and it's really the first time I talked to him at length since he got a girlfriend. He had been living alone out in the suburbs for a long time, and he'd joke around that his apartment was nothing but stacked up empty pizza boxes and sex robots.

Now his ladyfriend is over all weekend every weekend, and he's banging away like a son of a gun and happier than I've ever seen him.

This got Crom and I thinking about our next podcast. How about the top 10 loneliest moments of singlehood. Look for this to hit the world wide web for 10's of people on this blog very soon.

More on Podcasts

I got some buddies on their way to record the second set of podcasts for The Gancer. When I did podcasts in the comedy group I was in a few years back, I always thought it was fun as hell, but I felt like I wanted to have more control over how things were done. It's not complicated really; you just hit record, crack some beers, and shoot the shit. Still, it's good to be the host so I can move it in the right directions. In that group, most everyone was a better actor than me, many of them had more time to devote to the group, but when it came to the podcasts, I really think that is where I should have been the lead. For one, you can't take it serious. Once it's not fun and seems like work, then the whole thing is crapped out.

So, Crom is on his way over to Dr. Ken's apartment to do his second one of these with me. The first being the series of Rule #34 podcasts that I think came out tremendous. He's funnier than hell on these things.

Also on his way is a friend who doesn't have an alias yet, so I'm going to call him Beatnik for now. He's a guy who I wasn't too close with back in high school, but through the magic of Facebook, we figured out that we have a lot in common, such as hating high school, drinking too many beers sometimes, and dating artist chicks who drive us nuts.

THIS JUST IN: It sounds as if HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) might be joining us as well! He has been featured in many blog posts over the years, and I'm sure my beloved seven readers are enthused to hear his voice!

This one's going to be unbelievable, so stay tuned . . .

Rule #34: The Final Chapter

Rule #34: Generally accepted Internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject (from urbandictionary.com).

Well, at last, we have come to the end of our journey. In these two searches to disprove/prove Rule #34, Crom first decided to search for MC Escher porno. Now, Dr. Ken had no idea what this would entail, but Crom, for some reason, had some ideas about infinite views of one fornication where you can see other fornication within that one, and so on. It's astounding what this guy can come up with, which is why he was a worthy guest star for this project! Alas, the boys came up empty handed here, but it was a bold artistic shot, so one has to applaud their efforts. As always, be sure to turn off the music player on the right panel before hitting play so that you can hear the moans and growns as well as the clickity-clacks of the keyboard because it just makes it more . . . organic.



Lastly, Dr. Ken decides to search for BBQ porno, and they weren't taking no for an answer on this search. This one clocks in at around 15 minutes or something absurd like that, and the tangents are pretty entertaining. You will hear a reference to "Thick as a Brick" by Jethro Tull (a song of epic length like this podcast), how the boys feel about two men and one girl in a scene (and the danger of crossing the streams), and much, much more. Give it a listen, and if you skip around, they'll understand.


Now, let's break down our totals and see what kind of percentage the boys had at finding porno on the Internet based on subject pulled randomly, on the spot, out of their heads . . .

1. Care Bear Porn: Success

2. Snot Porn: Success

3. Furniture Porn: Success

4. Optimus Prime Porn: Failure

5. Cthulhu Porn: Success

6. Werewolf Porn: Success

7. Wacky Wall Walker (TM) Porn: Failure

8. Meat Tenderizer Porn: Failure

9. Water Slide Porn: Failure

10. Gargoyle Porn: Success

11. MC Escher Porn: Failure

12. BBQ Porn: Success

That made our researchers 7 for 12, roughly 58%

What did we learn? Shit, were we supposed to learn something? Forget that! We had a lot of fun, and we hope you did too. Actually, we hope you had as much fun as those gargoyles seemed to be having.

Overall, Seven Readers, what did you think? Do you have an idea for Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's next podcast? Anyone going to bump these on their ipods on the way to work, perhaps loud enough on the train for other people to hear? Maybe a werewolf orgy will break out? Who knows?

Podcasts

I used to do fun podcasts when I was in a comedy group a couple of years back. It was one of the things I really enjoyed. My buddy, we'll call him Crom, was in the group with me too, and tonight he's coming over to do a quick podcast before we go out to the bars. The problem is, we don't really have a topic, but sometimes those are the best ones. We'll just let it happen organically with some bottles of Budweiser.

Don't you hate your voice on tape? Mine sounds so damned deep for some reason, and not in a sexy way like Barry White. Sometimes I have a thick Chicago accent, not as thick as Crom's though. Other times I sound like a gay surfer or something. If I always sound different, does that mean I'm unsure of myself?

Anyway, I'll post it here on The Gancer for your enjoyment. Anyone have any good topic ideas? Hurry up because Crom is on his way now . . .

Good Point

I was listening to a podcast with Adam Carolla, and he asked the question, why do so many helicopters have no doors? Of all the things to need doors, right?