Father's Day For Me and a Sort of Famous Raccoon

The other day I'm reading a "Ranger Rick" magazine to my son. Remember those? That thing has been around since at least the 1980's because I read it as a kid. My mom got my son a subscription to that and Highlights. Remember "Hilights," reading that thing cover-to-cover and finding those hidden pictures while you waited for what seemed like a week in the dentist's office? A lot of thinks are gone from when we were kids, but some are hanging in there. Anyway, for the Father's Day edition, old Rick had a thing about animal dads in the wild that do nice things for their young. I like to think Rick the little raccoon guy on the cover types these articles up himself. Probably has an attractive young badger lady for a secretary that he fools around with when he is working late on an important piece such as the Father's Day edition. And that's kind of sad to him on his ride home back to his wife and kids, the fact that he is writing this Father's Day piece while having an extra marital affair. Maybe that is the night ol' Rick finds baby raccoon Jesus and gets his damn life back on track.

Says he's working late. Again.

In any event, after we read all about a daddy fish that keeping eggs in his mouth, a daddy seahorse keeping eggs in a pouch, and a daddy penguin keeping little penguin eggs warm on his feet (that's the cutest one), a little word bubble says, "What does your dad do for you?" I asked Erik that question and he says, "Oh everything. You talk to me and you play with me . . ." What was really moving about it was that he answered in a manner that suggested he was appalled that I would even have to ask such a thing. So yeah, he made me card which was super cute and all, but he doesn't even know that the best gift was the way he answered that Ranger Rick thing. Poor Rick. I'll pray for him and his family, but not that adulterous Jezebel badger chick. Not her.

Hey, check out Erik Noisewater performing a scene from a movie. Can anyone name it? I think I may say the name of the movie in the video, but still. Let me know what you think about his performance, your favorite kids' periodicals, cheating raccoon husbands, or anything else really in the comments below.

Are You an Animal Lover?

Anyone ever see this couple?  I don't want to ruin it for you, but they do it with a horse.  No, they don't show it (thank God, plus that would probably be illegal to post anywhere), but they do talk about it in detail: The horse does it with the wife, and the husband lets the horse do him in the can.  

Sorry you're offended by this.  If so, click away now.  But if you want to delve deeper into these weirdos, by all means . . . 

1. "One thing led to another" and you were blowing a horse for the first time?  That sounds like a couple having consensual sex on a one night stand at a bar, and this is nothing like that; This is forcing sex upon a horse.

2. So he sees her getting it on with a horse, and he is turned on and wants to marry her?  This could be a possible angle for the long awaited season finale of "How I Met Your Mother."  You know, if I had to pick out of a lineup a dude who had sex with animals, I think without having seen this clip I could probably guess this guy would be into something along those lines.

3. The husband says that the true pleasure he gets is not from getting it in the wazoo from the horse but knowing that he is making the horse happy.  What a guy.  What an unselfish lover.  More importantly, what a whack-job deviant scumbag!

4. Hold on a minute . . . The horse blows in his ear and he thinks that is something it does for his benefit?  It's a horse!  And she says that the horse is "courting" her?  These people fail to understand that a horse will put its horse wang into anything handy.  They make like the horse is a suave natural born lover like Richard Gere in "American Gigalo."  No.  It.  Is.  A.  HORSE! 

5. This fella lets a horse bite him while he gets it in the butt from a horse?  And he is on television talking about it?  His mom must be proud.  Wonder if he brings the horse by mom's for Christmas.

Get a look at this clip.  Anything else I missed?  Leave your thoughts in the comments section.  And sorry if you're a little grossed out.  I'm a little uneasy myself.  I need to wash my brain of this couple.