Castrated by Lobsters
This idiot not being able to have kids is good for mankind. Would if we dropped a few live lobsters down the pants of anyone who steals anything. When you're caught, you get tied up for 2 minutes, and we let the lobsters decide your fate. If there is no damage to your genitals, you get off easy with the jail time. If there is significant damage to your junk, you go free, maybe walk a little funny, but no making any baby thieves for you.
I think this is not a bad idea. Actually, how about each offense you have on your record is another lobster down there, thus upping the chances that repeat offending criminals don't procreate! This is the sort of plan that will seem a little strange at first, but you'll thank Dr. Ken generations letter when the lobsters have gradually reduced theft. Also, we should probably mark down the prices of lobsters that have been down all the sweaty thief pants . . .
