Randomly Random Updates in No Particular Order

1. Last night, while celebrating my good friend Gung Ho's 30th birthday, we ended up stopping into Chicago's famous late night eatery, The Wiener Circle. Part of the schtick of the place is that the heavy set Black women swear at you, and you can swear back at them a bit, within reason. I talked all about the joint here at the forever floundering Chicago blog, "The Liars Club." I'm really looking for more Chicago based bloggers to get it running again, so email me if you're interested.

Anyway, after getting my dog and cheese fries, it dawned on me that I hadn't been sweared at, so I went up to the counter and said, "Excuse me, miss. You didn't swear at me." To which she said, "Man, I'm too tired for all of that." I said I understand she was working hard, to which she replied, "Just sit your pussy lips down."

Boom.

2. I'm horribly hung over, and at 8:00PM, I'm having a glass of wine out of a coffee cup that says "Special Interest Public On Target Marketing" that has a big target on it, and it's the only time I've felt good all day.

3. I saw an old guy filling up his cup of McDonalds coffee in the grocery store where you're supposed to use the dixie cup sized ones for free tastes. I figure he knows he's not supposed to do that, but like Honey Badger, he "doesn't give a shit." I saw another old guy showering in a fountain the other day, and I'm thinking it's the same effect. I can't wait until I'm old. Or a honey badger.



4. I have only one more day of physical therapy, and I'm excited about getting this ankle 100% so I can run my first marathon. At first I didn't like my therapist lady because I thought she was a snatchatollah khomeini (a Gancey original term), but once I get to know her, she's not so bad. Also, she was torturing me at first, so it's hard to like your torturer, unless you got that Stockholm Syndrome. Speaking of which, my favorite band from Sweden is coming to town, Truckfighters, the guys I interviewed here. Also, Stockholm Syndrome is an awesome song sung by the fat guy in Yo La Tengo. Give it a listen.



5. My roommate just got a ticket for parking more than twelve inches from the curb. I have done that a bunch of times and never have I gotten a ticket for it, usually when I'm parking drunkenly (is that correct grammar? Why can't I use the adverb form of drunk at the end like any other adverb?) The thing is, Chicago is bullshit about squeezing money out of people through parking violations and automated red light camera-jobbers and the like. As my roomy was looking at his ticket, another lady said that she got a ticket for the same thing, so it must have been some total doucher trying to fill his quota. But, here's the thing: that violation isn't even on the big list of things to check off on the ticket, so the doucher had to write it in. The beauty of it is that he put one hash mark instead of two, which would indicate that he was 12 feet from the curb, so I totally say the Spinal Tap defense holds up in this case.

Young Girl

A good friend of mine you may know as the occaisional commenter T-Nobes recently made me a mix tape of mostly indie rock songs, but then "Young Girl" by Gary Pucket and The Union Gap came out of nowhere. The thing is, that song, while it kicks ass in its own way, is really kind of disturbing, in that it's about shagging a young girl. How young is the one in this song, you may ask? 14, evidently.

T-Nobes and I got in a conversation about this over email, and he found this bit of information about the song from the guy who wrote the song:

"As far as what inspired "Young Girl", that's another story" says Jerry."I was on the road a lot as an artist, fronting various groups for many years. I guess every entertainer goes through a time when fourteen-year-olds look like twenty-year-olds. That's somewhat of an inspiration...not from my own experience, but just knowing that it happens".

I just don't buy that part where he says "not from my experience." Yeah, right! Why would he take the time to write a song about someone tortured about the decision of whether or not to pork a young girl if he didn't go through it himself. I'm just not buying it. If you look at the lyrics of Jailbait by Motorhead (get a look here), Lemmy writes the song from the perspective of a guy who doesn't give a damn how young she is. I guess when you look like Lemmy, you just take anything that comes your way. "Young Girl" is all about a guy who is laboring over whether or not to bang a 14-year-old, and I'd like to, if I may, break this song down line-by-line like only Dr. Ken can to figure out once and for all if Gary Pucket stuck it.

Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl,
You're much too young, girl

The fact that he cautions her by saying, "better run, girl" says to me that this guy is likening himself to a Statutory Rape Wolf Man who will reach a point where he won't be able to stop himself. Scary shit right there.
With all the charms of a woman
You've kept the secret of your youth
You led me to believe
You're old enough
To give me Love

I suppose what he means by this is old enough to lay, but you couldn't say that back when this song came out. I really don't think he means old enough to give love, because someone can give love at any age, right? You love people when you're four-years-old, right?

And now it hurts to know the truth, Oh,
Beneath your perfume and make-up
You're just a baby in disguise
And though you know
That it is wrong to be
Alone with me

Again, this is the Pervert Werewolf persona where he's saying that it's highly dangerous that she be alone with a man with so many deep, deep pervert urges.
That come on look is in your eyes, Oh,
So hurry home to your mama
I'm sure she wonders where you are
Get out of here
Before I have the time
To change my mind
'Cause I'm afraid we'll go too far, Oh,
Young girl

I like that line right there. It might be my favorite. He decides in the end to tell her to leave because he is still not entirely sure about turning this one down. What's sad is, the next time the band is in her town, you just know he's going through this whole thing again . . .