My wife dropped me off at work today because she needed our car to take our baby boy to a doctor visit. I packed a lunch for myself and left it in the refrigerator. Isn't that the worst? This is even more of a problem than any other day because where I work on Mondays has nothing nearby to walk to for lunch options. For those of you not from the Chicago area, the neighborhood of Devon street near Damen Avenue has a milieu of cultures ranging from Nigerian, Pakistani, Indian, and you name it. I found a middle eastern restaurant, and I must admit it didn't look very clean and didn't smell too great either. I think I may have actually given it a shot, but then I saw a sign that was happily announcing "Camel meet on Fridays!" That actually scared me off, so snuck out and walked another few blocks to a McDonald's. My stomach was upset from the synthetic food, so I may have been better off with the camel meat.
Why not on Wednesdays? Hump Day!
My tummy was in knots as I worked my way back down Devon to get back to work in time when an elderly Caucasian gentleman walking in the opposite direction stopped to talk to me. Only he didn't appear to be speaking English. I listened hard to see if maybe it was just a thick accent and actually English. I told him, "I don't know the language you're trying to speak to me in." He said some things and I think I heard "Bosnian" in there somewhere. So I said, "Yeah, I don't speak Bosnian. Sorry." Maybe I just have a Bosnian look to me? Or maybe if he sees a white guy in the area, he just assumes Bosnian? Whatever the case, it's too bad I don't speak his language because he seemed very excited about the prospect of conversing with a fellow Bosnian buddy.
So, like I mentioned in paragraph one (if you're still reading), the wife and I have a baby boy now. When Mrs. Noisewater was very, very pregnant we went to a Chicago Cubs game together. She met me after work at a nearby bar and told me that some random drunk had just stopped her on the street and said, "That's a boy!" and pointed at her belly. I think people are going with the old wive's tale that if you carry your baby all up front and not in many other places, then that means it's a boy. So, we left the bar to head into the game and another random drunk homeless man said, "You' havin' a boy!" Well, the drunk homeless prophets were right; He's a boy, and he's beautiful.
They say it's good to talk and to sing to your babies, so he already has some go-to songs that we sing to him. One is "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon. I think that is a song I would have thought was totally corny in my pre-daddy days, but now I absolutely love it.
The other song is "He's Misstra Know It All" by Stevie Wonder, only I sing "He's Mister Cutie Man." Yes. Mister Cutie Man. You read that correctly. I am no longer the least bit cool, and I fully accept this as fact and as a way of life.
I saw a crap episode of "Grey's Anatomy," which is no surprise, seeing as it's a crap show, and they were all breaking character and singing songs, trying to be all serious; but, it was completely laughable. My roommates were looking at me like I was nuts when I likened it to the ill fated, short-lived 1990 TV Series that Steven Bochco on a coke binge somehow talked ABC executives into airing, "Cop Rock," in which cops sang like they were in a Broadway show. Even as a kid, I knew I was watching something truly awful, and it makes me laugh that people watch "Grey's" (people, mostly women, call it "Grey's" for short) talk about this awful show and actually cry during it, even when it's unknowingly paying an homage to "Cop Rock."
So, here at The Gancer, I have decided to watch a few clips of "Cop Rock" to see just how terrible it really was, and I'll share those clips and my analysis with you, My Beloved Seven Readers.
Okay, here's the clip from "Grey's"
Now, wasn't that a steaming pile of dog crap burning brownly on the sidewalk? Yes, but get a load of this:
I really like when the defendant looks around the room when everyone starts singing about his guilt, but then he chimes in with singing of his own to croon, "I was abused as a child." But wait, it gets shittier . . .
Holy mackerel, that's piss poor!! Or is it genius? This is the end of the 80's when coke was super chic for rich people to do, but then the war on drugs hit them hard, right? No, it's a totally dumb song.
This has been an excruciating journey into bad television that never should have been done, but let's do one more clip, shall we?
Was anyone else likening these dancing homeless people to the dancing zombies in Michael Jackson's "Thriller?" Also, do you think some of those actors are actually homeless now? I sure hope not. I mean, this show wasn't their idea; they just needed the work.
Anyone else remember any craptacular shows that they can't believe existed? You know what? I've never seen Xanadu, and I need something to screen at The Gancer that my friends and I can goof on with witty commentary over it. Would that be a good one to use? Another thought was an episode of "Sex and the City:" "Dudes in the City Watching Sex and the City." Any other ideas? Your input could spark an idea from which literally tens of people could benefit.
