I wanted to tell a story that a friend told me once and share it with you all because it's really funny, but first I had to check a few things:
A) Have I already told it?
No. I ran a search of couple of key words, such as couch, and surprisingly I haven't put this one down yet.
B) Does the friend and story teller have a name that I have assigned him on my blog that I should use?
No. But this triggered me finding a bunch of other people I have given blog monikers, some of which have had inconsistent spellings, wording, or all together different names over the years. So then I spent the better part of an hour going around making the names of these dudes (read drinking buddies) consistent. I then created a word document that I can reference in the future to avoid any more mishaps. Turns out that I have at least 16 people with blog names, and some of these folks I really need to reconnect with.
Anyway
On with the story . . .
This friend of mine told me a story about a time he got lucky one night and took a young lady from the bar back to his Lakeview apartment. They started fooling around on the couch, and soon their clothes were mostly off. They were in a position in which he was sitting on the couch facing into the living room, and she was riding him on top facing the wall. Suddenly, my friend becomes aware that she is magically tickling his bean bag somehow, but why was her hand so soft? And so wet? He then looked back to find that his dog was lapping away at his balls. He laughed, shooed him away, and was kind enough to tell his good buddies this heart warming/ball warming story. I hope you enjoyed this tale as much as I did, but somehow I doubt that is even possible.
Showing posts with label hook ups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hook ups. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Monday, January 24, 2011
Storytelling Podcast 1 of 4: Beatnik's Story
In this project, Beatnik, Crom, LC (a.k.a. Hetero Sexual Life Partner), and myself (your humble narrator, Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, all are going to tell you a story with some connection to a song that you will hear in the background. All songs you will hear at the end of each podcast, and there will be other fun songs related to what they're talking about through out. The boys all sipped on some Coronas and enjoyed themselves in this endeavor, and we hope you like it too.
In Beatnik's tale, he has an interesting encounter at a house party that takes a dramatic turn, and through out the process of the group of guy's interjections while he tries to talk, the boys came up with a new Urban Dictionary term: "The Sump Pump." What is it you may ask? You'll just have to listen, and then listen to the next three installments where the guys sneak the new term into conversation and scream, no unlike "Pee-Wee's Playhouse," only grosser, perhaps what Paul Ruben himself is into, not Pee Wee.
Hope you enjoy, and remember, you can click the little play button below to listen or click the MP3 button to add it to your itunes for your car, train ride, or treadmill, whatever. Oh, and remember that if you're listening while keeping the browser on the blog page, you'll need to pause the music player along the right panel.
In Beatnik's tale, he has an interesting encounter at a house party that takes a dramatic turn, and through out the process of the group of guy's interjections while he tries to talk, the boys came up with a new Urban Dictionary term: "The Sump Pump." What is it you may ask? You'll just have to listen, and then listen to the next three installments where the guys sneak the new term into conversation and scream, no unlike "Pee-Wee's Playhouse," only grosser, perhaps what Paul Ruben himself is into, not Pee Wee. Hope you enjoy, and remember, you can click the little play button below to listen or click the MP3 button to add it to your itunes for your car, train ride, or treadmill, whatever. Oh, and remember that if you're listening while keeping the browser on the blog page, you'll need to pause the music player along the right panel.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Former Roomy Wow's Me With Hook-Up
It had been a couple of months since I had been to the Liar's Club (my favorite Chicago bar), and the minute I set foot in the joint I felt like my chi was centered and my cholesterol was somehow lowered.
My good friend, HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) had spent the entire day at a Cubs game with his friend's girlfriend and her friend. He had made the mistake of mentioning that he thought the friend was cute once, and ever since this couple has been forcing this girl on him like they are desperately trying to breed a couple Siberian Huskies for the Iditarod. I'm sure you know a couple yourself who seems to think all is not right with the world until everyone is paired off like them, so that they have lots of couples to get together with and play Pictionary, or do whatever it is sets of couples do these days. Although he's not into her too much, Friend of Girlfriend is very into HLP, so she was coming onto him all day. This will play a factor later . . .
So I'm watching HLP hitting it off with a random girl at the bar, but there were two major road blocks.
1) She had a friend with her. No problem right? He is with a great friend (The Gancer) who could run interference for him. However, she was a HEAVY friend. I have jumped on many grenades for buddies, but tonight was my first night in Liar's Club in two months, so running interfence on this gal would have prevented me from fully enjoying the experience. His prayers were answered when I noticed Heavy Friend was leaving! So he's good right? Wrong. Enter road block 2.
2) Just then Friend of Girlfriend made a final play to win Roomy's heart. She was knowingly, outright, full-on C-blocking, but I guess she figured she had to go for broke.
Long story short, Friend of Girlfriend finally threw in the towel, he made out with the random, and got her number. I got a call from him this morning and he asked me if I caught her name. Problem. I came up with a solution to this dilmea, which I happen to think is brilliant. What he has to do is call her on a work day at a time that she is almost certainly working, like at 10:00 AM. That's his best chance to catch the voice mail, where she will almost certainly give her name. If she picks up, well, then I guess he just says, "Hey, you!" or "Hey, pretty." or "Hey, homegirl." or "Hey, Mulva . . ."
My good friend, HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) had spent the entire day at a Cubs game with his friend's girlfriend and her friend. He had made the mistake of mentioning that he thought the friend was cute once, and ever since this couple has been forcing this girl on him like they are desperately trying to breed a couple Siberian Huskies for the Iditarod. I'm sure you know a couple yourself who seems to think all is not right with the world until everyone is paired off like them, so that they have lots of couples to get together with and play Pictionary, or do whatever it is sets of couples do these days. Although he's not into her too much, Friend of Girlfriend is very into HLP, so she was coming onto him all day. This will play a factor later . . . So I'm watching HLP hitting it off with a random girl at the bar, but there were two major road blocks.
1) She had a friend with her. No problem right? He is with a great friend (The Gancer) who could run interference for him. However, she was a HEAVY friend. I have jumped on many grenades for buddies, but tonight was my first night in Liar's Club in two months, so running interfence on this gal would have prevented me from fully enjoying the experience. His prayers were answered when I noticed Heavy Friend was leaving! So he's good right? Wrong. Enter road block 2.2) Just then Friend of Girlfriend made a final play to win Roomy's heart. She was knowingly, outright, full-on C-blocking, but I guess she figured she had to go for broke.
Long story short, Friend of Girlfriend finally threw in the towel, he made out with the random, and got her number. I got a call from him this morning and he asked me if I caught her name. Problem. I came up with a solution to this dilmea, which I happen to think is brilliant. What he has to do is call her on a work day at a time that she is almost certainly working, like at 10:00 AM. That's his best chance to catch the voice mail, where she will almost certainly give her name. If she picks up, well, then I guess he just says, "Hey, you!" or "Hey, pretty." or "Hey, homegirl." or "Hey, Mulva . . ."
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