Sunday, October 01, 2006

Former Roomy Wow's Me With Hook-Up

It had been a couple of months since I had been to the Liar's Club (my favorite Chicago bar), and the minute I set foot in the joint I felt like my chi was centered and my cholesterol was somehow lowered.

My good friend, HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) had spent the entire day at a Cubs game with his friend's girlfriend and her friend. He had made the mistake of mentioning that he thought the friend was cute once, and ever since this couple has been forcing this girl on him like they are desperately trying to breed a couple Siberian Huskies for the Iditarod. I'm sure you know a couple yourself who seems to think all is not right with the world until everyone is paired off like them, so that they have lots of couples to get together with and play Pictionary, or do whatever it is sets of couples do these days. Although he's not into her too much, Friend of Girlfriend is very into HLP, so she was coming onto him all day. This will play a factor later . . .

So I'm watching HLP hitting it off with a random girl at the bar, but there were two major road blocks.

1) She had a friend with her. No problem right? He is with a great friend (The Gancer) who could run interference for him. However, she was a HEAVY friend. I have jumped on many grenades for buddies, but tonight was my first night in Liar's Club in two months, so running interfence on this gal would have prevented me from fully enjoying the experience. His prayers were answered when I noticed Heavy Friend was leaving! So he's good right? Wrong. Enter road block 2.

2) Just then Friend of Girlfriend made a final play to win Roomy's heart. She was knowingly, outright, full-on C-blocking, but I guess she figured she had to go for broke.

Long story short, Friend of Girlfriend finally threw in the towel, he made out with the random, and got her number. I got a call from him this morning and he asked me if I caught her name. Problem. I came up with a solution to this dilmea, which I happen to think is brilliant. What he has to do is call her on a work day at a time that she is almost certainly working, like at 10:00 AM. That's his best chance to catch the voice mail, where she will almost certainly give her name. If she picks up, well, then I guess he just says, "Hey, you!" or "Hey, pretty." or "Hey, homegirl." or "Hey, Mulva . . ."

13 comments:

Cherry Ride said...

That is a good solution. Sounds like maybe you've used this tactic yourself?

laura said...

I met a dude in an after-hour pizza joint in Austin once. I vaguely remember being SUPER PUMPED that he was from Ohio. How drunk do you have to be for that to be exciting to you? I remember nothing else about him. Anyway, next day I scrolled through my phone book and I found him under "ohio".

I never called. I think your tactic will work for Neighbor #1.

Steph said...

I'm shocking with names. I usually resort to the "Hey hun" or something like that.

Ms Smack said...

hehe, great story. cheers :)

classyandfancy said...

Was the sporting of an embellished tshirt by FR/N1 involved? If so, I don't think you should be shocked. The shirt is precisely what enabled FR/N1 to triumph over adversity.

ps. I think he should just call her "home skillet" even if he figures out her name.

ocg said...

Not a bad idea to get her name... I once read that if caught at someone's house you could look for pieces of mail with their name on it. but that would entail quite a bit of time spent with her, name unknown...

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry: No, but I did kind of put myself in his shoes when I brain-stormed solutions . . .

Laura: I've done stuff like that too. Like the girl's name and the bar it was in to save it under. Oh, what a tangled web we weave . . .

Steph: You calling me hun would certainly distract me from the fact that you had forgotten my name.

Ms Smack: Thanks. I try . . .

Classy: Home skillet always works, especially if he had called her one over a couple of skillets the next morning . . .

OC: I had a friend that tried that once. It really backfires if you rifle through her mail pile and come up with her ROOMMATES name . . .

Yes! All comments complete with over-use elipses. And they said it couldn't be done . . .

ocg said...

I... *heart*... elipses...

trinity67 said...

Why do it at 10:00 a.m.? She might answer which would be good if she says her name but what if she just says hello? Lunchtime or right at quitting time...dunno. Been a while since I was in this predicament.

RevRee said...

Hahahhahaha I love it!

How about hey sunshine!

I love when someone calls me Sunshine!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

OC: Elipses make the world go 'round . . .

Trin: Oh, what a tangled web we weave. That's what I told him.

Rev: Hey, Sunshine

Roxana said...

Man, all the cool stuff happens after I leave the LC.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Roxy: Goes to show you . . .