Maria and the Dragon

I had lunch with my good friend, Gung Ho, the other day, and we got talking about a time the two of us were at a strip club together. No, neither of us go to those types of places regularly, but it was a bachelor party. One of the dancers had a seat next to us and we proceeded to have a fun, lively, and drunken discussion. She said her name was Maria. One of us asked "Why Maria?" and she said it's her mother's name. Gung Ho was astonished and said, "You use your mother's name for your stripper name?!" I was already dying laughing, but then it got funnier. And sadder.

It was quite a while ago, but I think Maria looked something like this.

Maria told us that she was new to Chicago and liked it so far. She said she got out of Los Angeles because she was "chasing the dragon" out there and needed a new setting. Neither of us had any idea what in the hell she meant by that so she had to clarify that she was addicted to heroin. Gung Ho said, "Wow, heroin, huh? You ever miss it?" This instantly changed the mood. Maria became forlorn, looked off to the distance, and to neither one of us in particular admitted, "All the time. Excuse me." With that, she got up from the table, walked into the back room, and we didn't see her again the rest of the night.

I said, "Gung Ho, I think you just caused a relapse!"

To this he put forward, "Maria was going to chase that dragon tonight with or without our little talk."

He may be right. 

Poor thing. 

7 Quick Things About Lap Dances for Babies

Get a load of this.

Post by Chicago Memes.

Yup.  That appears to be a baby getting a lap dance.  

7 things I got to thinking about after seeing this . . . 

1. Is this something this woman does all the time, or was this an impromptu drunken activity?

2. Because the woman in the background seems less than thrilled about the whole thing, checking her phone and practically falling asleep, it seems as if maybe she has seen this song and dance before.  

3. The baby's wide eyed face is outstanding at the end of this clip.  It's funny because that's the exact look a man 20 years plus his senior gets in a similar situation.  

4. Is it morally wrong to give a baby a lap dance?  I suppose it's a little worse if this is his mother in the video.  Even if it isn't his mom, she would need permission from the boy's mother to twerk for him, right?  But should she give consent for such a thing?

5. There are two schools of thought about lap dances for babies.  1) A baby gaining that experience so young makes him a boss.  He's already ahead of the pimpin' game before he can even walk.  2) Getting a lap dance before you can walk is kind of like getting a BMW on your 16th birthday.  We want to give our children the best things in life, but shouldn't one earn such luxuries?

6. Now, okay, so you're going to shake your butt in a baby's face, but do you have to get your privates so close to the boy?  I mean the kid can practically smell it.  My reaction was like, "Oh, that is just wrong."  But then when she kneels down and her but is inside the baby device with the kid, that's when it gets over-the-top creepy.

7. I need the song from this clip on my iPod.  She shakes her butt exactly to the "oh! oh!" part, and the baby's eyes get wide right on cue for each "oh" as well.  Even if the morals and methods of passing time used by the people in this video are suspect and maybe criminal, the music they use to accompany their weird lifestyles is nothing short of awesome.  

What do you think, folks?  Leave me a comment if you are pro, anti, or undecided about baby lap dances.  

Storytelling Podcast 4 of 4: The Stripper

(this above pic will make sense after you listen)

I've always said that LC, a.k.a. HLP (Heterosexual Life Partner) is a funny, funny man and should be on a podcast some day, and he really delivered. All the participants agree that he put down the most entertaining story, and I think you'll agree, My Beloved Seven Readers.

I would not feel comfortable giving anything away here, as that would kill some of the surprises that caught us off guard as well. Yes, I know it's 25 minutes, but it's worth it. Just sit back and enjoy . . .



Remember, click the arrow play button to here it on this site, and click the word play to download it to your iTunes to listen later, which may be preferred due to the length - break it up during your commute! If you play it just now without the download, be sure to turn off the music player on this blog, along the right panel.

Songs Used:
"St. Louis" by Nelly
"Forever in Blue Jeans" by Neil Diamond
"Waiting for the Sun" by The Doors
"Don't Let the Sun Catch You Cryin'" by Not Ray Charles (little help, anyone?)
"I'm In Love With a Stripper" by T-Pain
"Meet Me In St. Louis" by Judy Garland
"Big Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder