Monday, December 21, 2020

Noisewater Family Updates

So what's new over at the Noisewater place?

Well, the wife and I are employed, working from home during the pandemic. The kids are in school and daycare, respectively, so we are able to actually get some work done around here. One of us was working in the baby's room, which is a pretty good office, and the other one was working in the common area. It's a pretty small condo that we stay in. What we noticed was that we kept derailing productivity when one of us would go into the common area for a snack or a workout or to switch laundry. I think we just talk to each other to kill time and get ourselves off track. So, what we discovered works better is making the toddler's bedroom into another office by putting one of those fold out desks into the wall. Is it weird when I'm on a work call and my clients see bunk beds and toys in the background? No really, when you're a teacher and your "clients" have bunk beds in the toys in their background as well.

It's tough to get kids to show up to class. Sometimes they show up for attendance and then think they can be slick and sneak off for a nap or to play video games or something. So when you suspect that you just call on them to see if they are really there. The other day I got tired of Sydney  (not even close to his real name) pulling that move day after day, so I was like "Sydney, just checking in if you're interested. We are giving away $500 and a Playstation 5 . . ." No response. It got a big laugh, which is really what I'm going for as much as anything else these days.

I got two weeks off of work right now, and I thought I would have to keep the kids out of their mom's hair while they tried to work, but it turns out the baby's daycare lady will take the toddler too! Which means, Winter of Kenneth has begun! Only 3 days of no kid time, but I'll take it. Today what did I do? Dropped off the kids, did an online training for work, went to Costco for shopping, vacuumed and mopped, and did a workout with some muscular butt ladies on the TV. That's not too bad, right?

How about you guys? Got any time off and how are you using it?

Saturday, December 12, 2020

Sword Fight!!!

Fellas, do you guys remember when you were a little kid and you said you had to pee and your brother or a friend said, "I gotta go too," and then one of you said, "Sword fight!" So you ran into the John together, dropped trow, and peed simultaneously into the same bowl, moving your stream back-and-forth across the other guy's spray, likely hitting the seat and the floor in the process. You have all had a sword fight or two in your day. Stop lying.

Would if I said that my 4-year-old son and I have done this a few times? I'm thinking that you would say I'm the most immature and inappropriate father you have ever come across, and that really wouldn't be too far from the truth. I know it is stupid to do, but every once in a while we will have to both take a leak before leaving the house and it just kind of goes down that way. 

What usually happens is we unholster our weapons at about the same time, but he starts firing away much quicker. Sometimes he is done before I can even get started because I have an old as hell engorged prostate the size of a 16-inch softball softball. Sometimes I'll say to him, "You win again, buddy. You got the quickest weenie in The West. My old wiener just can't hold a candle to yours.

So, the other day he beats me to the punch again and goes, "I win again, daddy. You got the oldest, slowest, yuckiest wiener in the world." Now, wait just a minute. I may have said old and slow in my analysis during previous competitions, but "yuckiest" was entirely his own editorializing. Uncalled for if you ask me.

Okay, just a quick blog post I have been kicking around in my head. Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season despite the current pandemic situation. And I hope none of you call up the Special Victims Unit for the slightly inappropriate father son activity you just read about. 

I needed a pic of Ice, and the one with bagels was obviously the funniest. Apparently it's because he has never tried bagels or coffee? Fascinating.