1. Last night, while celebrating my good friend Gung Ho's 30th birthday, we ended up stopping into Chicago's famous late night eatery, The Wiener Circle. Part of the schtick of the place is that the heavy set Black women swear at you, and you can swear back at them a bit, within reason. I talked all about the joint here at the forever floundering Chicago blog, "The Liars Club." I'm really looking for more Chicago based bloggers to get it running again, so email me if you're interested.
Anyway, after getting my dog and cheese fries, it dawned on me that I hadn't been sweared at, so I went up to the counter and said, "Excuse me, miss. You didn't swear at me." To which she said, "Man, I'm too tired for all of that." I said I understand she was working hard, to which she replied, "Just sit your pussy lips down."
2. I'm horribly hung over, and at 8:00PM, I'm having a glass of wine out of a coffee cup that says "Special Interest Public On Target Marketing" that has a big target on it, and it's the only time I've felt good all day.
3. I saw an old guy filling up his cup of McDonalds coffee in the grocery store where you're supposed to use the dixie cup sized ones for free tastes. I figure he knows he's not supposed to do that, but like Honey Badger, he "doesn't give a shit." I saw another old guy showering in a fountain the other day, and I'm thinking it's the same effect. I can't wait until I'm old. Or a honey badger.
4. I have only one more day of physical therapy, and I'm excited about getting this ankle 100% so I can run my first marathon. At first I didn't like my therapist lady because I thought she was a snatchatollah khomeini (a Gancey original term), but once I get to know her, she's not so bad. Also, she was torturing me at first, so it's hard to like your torturer, unless you got that Stockholm Syndrome. Speaking of which, my favorite band from Sweden is coming to town, Truckfighters, the guys I interviewed here. Also, Stockholm Syndrome is an awesome song sung by the fat guy in Yo La Tengo. Give it a listen.
5. My roommate just got a ticket for parking more than twelve inches from the curb. I have done that a bunch of times and never have I gotten a ticket for it, usually when I'm parking drunkenly (is that correct grammar? Why can't I use the adverb form of drunk at the end like any other adverb?) The thing is, Chicago is bullshit about squeezing money out of people through parking violations and automated red light camera-jobbers and the like. As my roomy was looking at his ticket, another lady said that she got a ticket for the same thing, so it must have been some total doucher trying to fill his quota. But, here's the thing: that violation isn't even on the big list of things to check off on the ticket, so the doucher had to write it in. The beauty of it is that he put one hash mark instead of two, which would indicate that he was 12 feet from the curb, so I totally say the Spinal Tap defense holds up in this case.