Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Randomly Random Updates in No Particular Order

1. Last night, while celebrating my good friend Gung Ho's 30th birthday, we ended up stopping into Chicago's famous late night eatery, The Wiener Circle. Part of the schtick of the place is that the heavy set Black women swear at you, and you can swear back at them a bit, within reason. I talked all about the joint here at the forever floundering Chicago blog, "The Liars Club." I'm really looking for more Chicago based bloggers to get it running again, so email me if you're interested.

Anyway, after getting my dog and cheese fries, it dawned on me that I hadn't been sweared at, so I went up to the counter and said, "Excuse me, miss. You didn't swear at me." To which she said, "Man, I'm too tired for all of that." I said I understand she was working hard, to which she replied, "Just sit your pussy lips down."


2. I'm horribly hung over, and at 8:00PM, I'm having a glass of wine out of a coffee cup that says "Special Interest Public On Target Marketing" that has a big target on it, and it's the only time I've felt good all day.

3. I saw an old guy filling up his cup of McDonalds coffee in the grocery store where you're supposed to use the dixie cup sized ones for free tastes. I figure he knows he's not supposed to do that, but like Honey Badger, he "doesn't give a shit." I saw another old guy showering in a fountain the other day, and I'm thinking it's the same effect. I can't wait until I'm old. Or a honey badger.

4. I have only one more day of physical therapy, and I'm excited about getting this ankle 100% so I can run my first marathon. At first I didn't like my therapist lady because I thought she was a snatchatollah khomeini (a Gancey original term), but once I get to know her, she's not so bad. Also, she was torturing me at first, so it's hard to like your torturer, unless you got that Stockholm Syndrome. Speaking of which, my favorite band from Sweden is coming to town, Truckfighters, the guys I interviewed here. Also, Stockholm Syndrome is an awesome song sung by the fat guy in Yo La Tengo. Give it a listen.

5. My roommate just got a ticket for parking more than twelve inches from the curb. I have done that a bunch of times and never have I gotten a ticket for it, usually when I'm parking drunkenly (is that correct grammar? Why can't I use the adverb form of drunk at the end like any other adverb?) The thing is, Chicago is bullshit about squeezing money out of people through parking violations and automated red light camera-jobbers and the like. As my roomy was looking at his ticket, another lady said that she got a ticket for the same thing, so it must have been some total doucher trying to fill his quota. But, here's the thing: that violation isn't even on the big list of things to check off on the ticket, so the doucher had to write it in. The beauty of it is that he put one hash mark instead of two, which would indicate that he was 12 feet from the curb, so I totally say the Spinal Tap defense holds up in this case.


JerseySjov said...

my favorite mug to drink alcohol from said "YOUNG NEGOTIATORS" and has a picture of two poorly-drawn hands shaking. one hand was the white of the mug, the other one was colored in purple.

Andrew said...

That honey badger really is a nasty ass.

Most of the time when I drink wine, I just drink it straight out of the bottle. Also, I usually drink the whole bottle in one sitting. Just keeping it real.

As I've put on my own blog, I once got Madison & another co-worker a ticket at the same time for telling them it was ok to park on a side street when you weren't supposed to park there past 11pm. What the deuce?!

Gorilla Bananas said...

That honey badger video surfaced months ago, but I'm glad you found it. How lucky you are to have a friend called Gung Ho. It's almost a cross between Gunga Din and Chin Ho. I bet a young whippersnapper like you has never heard of Chin Ho.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jov: I like those random mugs where you don't even know why it's in your cabinet. Those are the best ones to use.

Andrew: You're a good friend with your awful parking advice. Also, a bottle of wine at one sitting really isn't too bad; if it's not a school night.

Gorilla: I had to look Chin Ho up. Hawaii 5-0! I see that he was played by two different actors - I hate when they do that.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

UPDATE: I had the same damn 12 inch ticket!!!!! Another neighbor had it too, so I'm asking around to see how many this schmoe gave out that day. I'm not going down without a fight, Seven Readers!!!!

Andrew said...

Nor should you! You should also measure it yourself to make sure you were actually 12 inches from the curb. Fight the man!

Also, the last time I drank a lot of wine I did it around 11am during the week. So that's potentially not healthy.

JerseySjov said...

follow up- im actually pretty upset because the young negotiators mug was in my college apartment. it was there when we moved in and i just forgot to take it with me.
my useless friends never thought to give it to me, despite knowing how much i loved it

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Drew: I could tell I was around 14 inches away - the jerks! I mean, I could move it closer and take a pic, but that would be immoral. He's the one going to hell.

Jov: Hmmmmm. A mug is pretty important. Time to let go of those college friends.

JerseySjov said...

another follow-up: my boyfriend bought me a mug we found at a thrift shop. it's pink and black with the slogan "too sexy to be 40"

pretty good. pretty good.