Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Rules for Long Distance Relationships

My girlfriend, LSD, and I came up with some simple rules to long distance dating, and maybe they can help you too.

1. You can't sleep with other people.

2. Well, you can, but only if they're celebrities.

3. But they have to be major celebrities on a list submitted to one another, since LSD has already rubbed elbows with a few stars, making just any celebrity a possibility.

4. Come to think of it, Dr. Ken gets to have twice as many celebrities on his list since he lives nowhere near L.A.

5. No sex with animals either.

6. Unless they're really famous animals. For instance, one of the dogs from the "Kardasians" wouldn't count, but the president's dog is fair game or Bubbles, Michael Jackson's chimp, since, being the king of pop, Michael's chimp is royalty.

7. No peeing on dogs or chimps. That's just too weird.

So long as we follow these simple rules, I think we'll make it.


sybil law said...

No peeing on dogs or chimps? Way to suck all the fun out of it!
My husband already knows I'd fuck Dave Grohl in any situation, so... well... it wasn't ever really a question, just a statement. I mean, Grohl is married, too, and I'm sure his wife wouldn't like it, but fuck her!
I've been drinking. Don't mind me.
Who's on your list?
Also, I think I forgot to mention this to you a while ago, but in the Hall and Oates pic of you, you remind me of Josh Homme, who is crazy hot.

Andrew said...

This might be too difficult for you.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sybil: I get the Josh Homme comparison from time-to-time, but how did you know I wasn't the Asian guy in that pic?

Homme is way hotter because he's really good at guitar, and I'm a big failure on guitar.

Andrew: You're right! Chimp peeing might be my thing . . .

radioactive girl said...

You guys are hilarious! I love it!

How many names are you allowed on your list?

CurlyKateMcGee said...

Funking wierdos you both are. I miss you both :)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Radio: I got names, but I wouldn't go through with anything. But yeah, I got names. : )

Curly: Yeah! See you Halloween weekend.

sybil law said...

Uh, because you said you had the blonde hair, and he's got the black.
I can be observant, from time to time! :)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sybil: Yeah, I double checked on that after I posted the comment. Wish I could play guitar like Josh. I suck!