Monday, October 31, 2011

Samoans, Do the Humpty Hump

A friend-of-a-friend got mugged by three guys a block away from my house fairly early in the evening on a weeknight, which really worried me. I was telling LSD, my girlfriend, and she asked if he was able to identify them. I told her that they were Samoans, but I was just kidding. But, would if they were? I imagine you could outrun some Samoan gentlemen, given their size . . .

LSD then told me that Tongans are also big people, and she's right because I looked it up and 90% of Tongan people are overweight. They share the distinction of the highest overweight and obese population with the neighboring Nauru.

So, if your would-be muggers are a Samoan, a Tongan, and a Nauruan, the best course of action would be to run, feed them, or spark up an argument between them about Tonga's Constitutional Monarchy.


sybil law said...

All very helpful tips, Dr.

And hearing the Pixies just made my whole morning!!

Andrew said...

I learned something today.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sybil: Learning to good music is what I help people do around here.

Andrew: Yes. Consider yourself the King of Tonga. For a day.