Oats: He had been drinking lots of Sam Addams because he had a good review at work. He was trying to take home a female companion, but all he took home were tacos. His score:
Gelfling: She is a very tiny girl with big fake boobs, so it doesn't take a whole lot to get her lit up like a Christmas tree. Her score:
Gung Ho: He loves a good piano bar and was knocking back mixed drinks of various colors and potency. His score:
.09 (To which he said: "So, I could take a piss and drive right now?)
Monique: She would have destroyed all of us because she was swaying around not unlike a guy in Mortal Kombat about to get a brutal fatality, but she did a disappearing act before we could get a score from her.
Shogun: I honestly don't remember his score, but he would have done pretty well. He's that guy that pops up behind you, dropping off more beers than there are people at your table.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: Like Oats, I also had a good review at work that resulted in tenure that might be dealt away with anyway, but I really don't need an excuse to celebrate via way too many beers. Oats was feeding me lots and lots of Sammies. I recall dropping off 5 bucks to one of the piano guys to play "Go Cubs Go." My score:
A robust .11
Shogun's Wife: She always gets bombed to the point where she's like a little kid. A harmless lovable drunk. She was the night's winner at the breathalyzer showdown:
I always hear about people being "twice the legal limit," but none of us achieved that this evening. What are people thinking about getting into a car in that condition?