I had an extremely F'd up dream last night. I'm at this party, and it must have been some sort of BYOM (Bring Your Own Monkey) type of gathering because guests were arriving with all different types of monkeys. I started to get uneasy and wondering if all those different species of monkeys should be around each other. It's not that I wanted segregation of monkeys for some sort of political reason, I just feared that if you got Spider Monkeys, Tamarins, Saki, and Marmosets in the same room, you're just increasing the likelihood that some monkeys just wouldn't hit if off, and there would be a giant monkey brawl of epic proportions. I think some of the folks sensed my trepidation and thought it would be funny to place different monkeys on my shoulders, head, and wherever else a monkey would fit all at once. The monkeys were tweaking and shrieking a little, not really wanting to be on my shoulder all that much, but I didn't get bit (and getting bit seemed to be the over arching fear I had at the time).
On Ebay. Sold only to Ape Men.
Things really started to get insane when a guy arrived with a six foot tall upright ape-man. His face was more ape than man, but he had perfect posture and was dressed in human clothes. Ape Man had jeans, sneakers, and a sleeveless jean jacket with heavy metal patches on the back (probably a cool Iron Maiden picture), and he had bulging, hairy biceps. His owner (or buddy?) was saying how cool it was to work out with his monkey-man friend. Suddenly, 80's metal fan Ape Man darts over to me with lightning speed and bites into my neck. Blood spurts everywhere, and everyone busts out laughing like this is the funniest thing they ever saw.
Pop Quiz: What show was this guy on?
For whatever reason, it was my job to clean it up the bloody mess on the carpet - my own blood, as if it was all my fault. And the blood was dark, almost black - the kind where you see that shade in a movie and you just know the guy is going to die. But the guests weren't at all concerned about me, they just looked down on me while I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet, casually offering advice on what chemicals might get it out during lulls in their conversations with one another, cocktails in hand. What was really odd was that Ape Man just kept chillin' at the party, and no one seemed the least bit worried that he might bite them next.