Saturday, January 14, 2017

Jibber Jabberer At the Gym and a Totally Unrelated Funny Story

I was at the gym today on the treadmill, and there was a woman next to me talking to someone on the phone while she was working out. Now, this is okay if:

Q: 1. Was it an important call or a business call?

A: Almost certainly not because she was laughing loudly and all the content of the conversation that I overheard was completely meaningless.

Q: Did she at least keep her voice down?

A: Absolutely not. I would have been fine if I had my headphones, but even then the big belly laughs would cut right through the heavy-ass jams I would likely have been playing. Probably something obscure and rocking, like this, a stoner rock band out of Portugal called Sulfer Giant with endless infectious Sabbathesque riffs.

At some point in my frustration at having only the bad gym music and no sports to watch on the television (just the closed captions of guys talking about football) and forced to listen to this lady jabber on, I started getting perhaps a little too critical of her. Now, I really don't like to judge people at the gym for whatever workouts they're doing because who gives a care, right? I know that one time a giant Thor-looking dude, like that blond schmuck from the Packers (sorry, I'm a Bears fan) tapped me on the shoulder (interrupting my beloved rock music for God's sake) to tell me that I was doing an exercise with poor form or something. I know that made me mad, so why am I judging this woman?

(You won't get gains doing it your way, bro. Also, you'll get more volume in your hair if you switch to my dope shampoo. Bro.)
At least she made it into the gym, I tried to tell myself. Perhaps she really hates working out but loves catching up with her homegirl, so she rewards herself with that - and that's what keeps her going to the gym. Maybe that is the case, but couldn't she do that on the ride there or the ride home? And couldn't she at least keep her voice down a little? And here comes me perhaps being a jerk. She was walking the whole time. If you're able to carry friendly banter like that, are you really working hard enough? And keeping her hands on the railing the whole time is really cheating herself.

Well, am I complete gym-bro ass wipe for letting this lady bother me that much?

Hey, here is something totally unrelated. My buddy, Night Train, and I were at a bar the other night, and we ran into one of his old roommates, this great-looking super buff gay guy. We got talking about how this guy dogged out fellas like a lot of men do with women. He would have all different types of guys that he would take home, and more than once he would have a fella come over when he was gone and they would just hang out with us and wait for Buff Roommate to come home. Night Train said one morning he saw one of the hottest women he had ever seen in his life come out of Buff Roommate's bedroom. He told Nigh Train that he mixes up once or twice a year and throws a woman into the mix. Night Train said to me, "God damn this guy! I'm in a slump right now, and he can easily pull the hottest girl out of the bar whenever he wants, and he is gay!?" Oh my God did we ever have a laugh at that one.

Hey, I got to run. Mrs. Noisewater has my 40th birthday celebration planned for me that I have to get ready for, and I have no idea what activities we are doing. Perhaps it will be a blog worthy tale I can share soon. Be well, friends.


mistress maddie said...

What an entertaining post!!! It too annoys me when people are on a cell phone anywhere public, indoors. Not to much to ask you ask me. Unless it is a business or emergency phone call, I wish people wouldn't ues phones in public places indoor. Most don't have an inside voice. Meanwhile, I do believe, Buff Roommate and I would get along just fine. Although I have never picked up a woman. My most exciting thing was once a guy was talking me up at the bar, for some time and wanted to go home. He uses the rest room and comes back with his wife!!! Turns out she is HUGE into watching him with other men. Ah, what the hell, you live once.

Have a great night!!!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Well I hope you can introduce Buff Roommate to Mistress Maddie and I'm not surprised he was seen with a hot woman. A lady escort once said in her blog that the best male escorts were gay and she used to treat herself to one when she was in the mood. Happy Birthday, Dr Ken!

Exile on Pain Street said...

I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. Why do I care if they're talking on their phone or texting on a piece of equipment I don't need? What's it to me? Why am I in their world, anyway? But I am. I try not to be but I want to drop a 10 pound plate on their foot. Can't they be without their phone for a lousy :40 minutes? What's WRONG with society?

That felt good. Thanks. Pics of the birthday celebration or it didn't happen.

E. Rosewater said...

happy birthday dr ken!

if you're anything like me, you have another 15 years of being more or less bullet proof.

moderation is for monks. (and men over 55)

Jimmy Fungus said...

I remember I was in a Wendy's once and there was this guy having a really loud conversation on his cell phone. Guess I just thought it was weird that the whole restaurant could here his conversation and he was not the least bit self conscious about it. What I am trying to say is that lady was worse than Hitler.

HeatherLynn said...

As someone who just managed to haul my ass to the gym, I can see both sides, it WOULD be nice to have someone to talk to while you work out, but "I" wouldn't ever talk on the phone while working out. Normally I'm huffing and puffing so much you'd never be able to understand a word I was saying! lol

I agree with the phone call for the drive home...not for the treadmill. OR, buy a treadmill and work out at home if you need to talk on the phone LOUDLY while you do it! :)

Hope your 40th birthday is/was absolutely amazing!


Mr. Shife said...

I am with you 100% on the gym etiquette, Dr. Ken. Nice of you to try and find the silver lining. Fatherhood is softening you up. Hope the 40th festivities went well. Take care, buddy.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mistress: That was nice of you to get that couple all revved up. They probably thought of you during a wild night of love-making, albeit unsure of their sexuality and marriage type of love-making, but boning nonetheless.

Exile: Glad you're with me on the gym issue. Dude, there were pictures of me and Heterosexual Life Partner all over the bar they surprised us at. I had an old junior high basketball pic with a mullet, and he had a shot put picture. Both hilarious.

Rosie: Yes. There was no moderation at all that night. Well, I guess I slowed down here and there, but I kept the booze flowing for like 12 hours.

Jimmy: Wendy's lady sounds awful. You should have whipped some curly fries at her.

Heather: Exactly my point. If you're actually working hard enough to burn any calories, you'll be huffing and puffing too much to talk on the phone.

Shife: I am getting soft, bro. But it needed to happen. I couldn't go through life being a crazy ass all those years. Now I'm a daddy that is slightly goofy, and just the right amount of goofy. A fun and healthy amount.

harada57 said...
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