Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Gancer's Top 3 Special Ladies

3. Chick From the Original Planet of the Apes.

I think it's because she was really hot, but she couldn't speak. That sounds really sexist and pig-like, but I don't mean it like that. Well, a small part of me means it like that, but really, wouldn't it be cool to fall for someone who couldn't speak? I don't think she would have went for me though, cause while Charlton Heston was saying, "Get your damn hands off me you damn, dirty apes!" I would have been in the next cell saying, "Dude, quit trying to be a bad-ass up in this piece! What do you want to do? Get hit with the fire hose again?" Chicks seem to like the heroic, rebel types and not the complacent, sissy boys. Story of my life.

2. Jennifer Beal's Character in Flashdance.

I could tell you all about how this character is everything that a woman should be, but I already talked about it at length. Read it if you have the time, but only if you have lots of time, because I wrote WAY long-winded posts in those days http://thegancer.blogspot.com/2006/02/is-it-wrong-for-3-straight-men-to.html

1. Cheerleader From Heroes.

Holy jeez! Just look at her!! She's immaculate. I was all ready to grab my long lens and pack my bags to go hide in her shrubbery for a few weeks, when I learned that she is 17 and living with her parents. The girl was born in 1989. 89! I am going to stop talking about her now before someone knocks on my door and arrests me.

18 comments:

classyandfancy said...

Being attracted to mutes is nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I was attracted to Samantha Morton's character in "Sweet & Lowdown" cause was she cute, silent, and sassy. And Alex from Flashdance, kabuki freakout, 'nuff said. Wait, she was cute, silent, and sassy too. I see a pattern . . .

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Classy: I guess I do like the cute, silent, sassy types. It's really tough to be silent AND sassy.

5 of 9er said...

Wow... the insights into your brain are amazing. :)

Matt said...

I know what you mean about Hayden Panettiere, so at least you'll have some company when we both go to hell for improper thoughts of a 17 year old cheerleader.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

9'er: Thanks, but a little scary at times . . .

Matt: You know her real name??! What a loser!! . . . I knew it too . . .

mysterygirl! said...

Yeah, the year "1989" makes the needle screech across the record.

[Cherry] Ride said...

I myself have gone mute after reading your post.

People born in 1989 should still be in pre-school.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mystery: A needle scratch moment, yes. Forgive me.

Cherry: Sorry if I creeped you out, man. Can we still be friends if I promise to never again talk of young girls or sports?

Both of you: I swear, the show makes her look much older . . .

darci ann said...

yea, dr ken is right, she does look way older in the show - at least 18 or 19. :|

You claim the speechless-ness would be attractive, but you would hate it in the hours following lobster/tuxedo dinner. Silent sex can't be as fun.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'd take my chances with the cheerleader if I were you. Besides, I'm sure her parents' silence can be bought.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Darci: Something tell me that the way she ate those shrimps that there is no WAY she'd be silent when it counted.

Mighty: I'd get her home to her parents by midnight. I'd take her to the prom. I'd watch Dawson's Creek re-runs with her. Whatever it takes . . .

Steph said...

Rather eclectic taste you have Dr Ken. The cheerleader looks too much like Barbie though.

Karla said...

God is cruel. If you saw a picture of what I looked like at 17, you'd agree that the cheerleader and I are clearly not from the same species. God is cruel.

Ms Smack said...

Yeah not a bad list if I say so myself.

Cheerleader does nothing for me though. I prefer brunettes.

Anonymous said...

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/

Your little girfriend the cheerleader is being ripped to shreds on Go Fug Yourself, my favorite celeb bashing website. You'll have to scroll down a few posts, but there she is, looking like an extra from the Jetsons. Check it out.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Steph: Barbie couldn't regenerate . . .

Karla: 17-year-old Dr. Ken was not pretty. Classyandfancy unearthed a yearbook photo that demonstrates this.

Smack: I usually like brunettes too, but you just have to see her on the show . . .

Anon: They're talking about her fashion sense on that blog link. They said she looked like a flight attendant. Hello!? That's frickin' hot. Judy Jetson? Sounds good to me. "Jane, get me off this crazy bitch!!"

Drunken Chud said...

ken i'm with you on all three. jennifer beals in flashdance... MMM MMM MMM BITCHES! when she takes her bra off without taking her shirt off... that was my first exposure to such a thing waaaay back when. the silent chick, from apes... oh yeah. you see the way she rides that horse? bitch got skills. and the cheerleader... good god in heaven. can you imagine the sex you could have? you could literally have such rough sex that you kill her, and she'd survive. wow, maybe that was a little too much.

as far as 1989, i will always associate that year with the re-unification of germany. and the eventual fall of the USSR.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chud: Glad we're in agreement on all accounts. You want to know what's really sick? I thought the same thing about the possibilities with the cheerleader, given her regenerating powers, like dunking her head in fire during, ahem!, but I thought some of my readers weren't ready for that. I know one that was ready . . .