Monday, December 04, 2006

Death Cab for Kenny

I had one of those awful nights on Saturday night in which I had too many places to be, so I ended up spending more money on cabs than I did on drinks. As I was cold and standing outside of my third location, looking for a cab home, I was excited to see an available cabbie finally approaching. I walked towards it, but a group consisting of two girls and a guy tried to run in front of me, somehow claiming that it was their cab. The Gancer did not see it that way . . .

The two girls darted into the cab, one in front and one in back, and and I tried to do the same, but the dude grabbed me by the waist. I kept my legs moving and was able to skirt him and dive into the cab, saying, "I guess we're splitting this thing, cause I'm not going anywhere."

They were going to a location WAY out of the way for me, and I'm sure I could have gotten out at a busy intersection and got my own cab, but these people rubbed me the wrong way, so I wanted to give them some shit back. The dude called me a yuppie, to which I responded, "Look at your sweater! Plus you probably make double what I make." Then the girl in the back seat pulled up my shirt and gave me titty twisters! Then the guy in the back got into an argument with the girl in the front, and guy in the back storms out of the cab before reaching the destination!

I need to be more careful with who I piss off. I could have came out of that situation with more severe injuries than sore nips.

13 comments:

classyandfancy said...

Damn it! I thought this was a lewd taxi cab confession. It was starting to look that way, but no! I want my money back and I'm stealing your next cab just to see you do the MJ ice walk.

5 of 9er said...

A Tittie-Twister by a perfect stranger... now that is some though shit. Next time I get in an agrument with someone on the street... BLAM-O! I am going to pull the Tittie-Twister move! (I'll probably get arrested and sued later).

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Classy: Gosh, I'm usually accused of being TOO lewd . . .

9er: Yeah, I know! A stranger! It was okay when my mom did it, because I knew it was out of love.

mushroom said...

That would shit me too, even if you have to die i reckon its worth not being 'taken for a ride' like that

darci ann said...

I am totally baffled by this post, seriously a total stranger gave you a titty twister - what has the world come to?? this isn't the first crazy taxi cab story I've heard before either. HM...

I have a hot friend who lives in Chicago btw, she's single. I would vouch for you. Interested? Email me :)

Matt said...

So by the end of this you were left in a taxi with two ladies? Surely this is screaming opportunity?! Perhaps the whole titty twisting was just a tease ;)

Drunken Chud said...

ok ken, i'm only gonna say this once. people will generally do to their partner (or potential partner) what they want done to them. her lefting up your shirt and giving you a titty twister was her way of asking you do the same to her on her nipples and spit on her and call her a whore. then flip her over and shove it in her ass without asking. sheesh, don't you know the signs?

Drunken Chud said...

hahahahahaha, the word verification is "nipfie"

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mush: I totally was taken for a ride, but at least it provided some good blog fodder.

Darci: I think she went from stranger to enemy with one twist of a nip. About your friend, maybe give her a link to my page and we'll see if she gets scared off.

Chud: My word verification being "nipfie" was my subtle way of asking you to pour candle wax on my nips.

Matt: I know. I blew it. I was too busy talking with them about what an a-hole the guy was to get anywhere with them. I should have invited myself up for coffee or a fanta . . .

[Cherry] Ride said...

I can't believe you didn't get her number.

darci ann said...

chud scares me. mew.

Ms Smack said...

wow thats a great story about cabs. I've not had to either give or endure a nipple twist....ouch

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry: Yeah, she could have been a lot of fun. The NEXT time that happens I'm getting a number out of the deal.

Darci: Fear not The Chud, as he is a misunderstood bloke.

Smack: It's an overrated experience. You know what else? I was looking in the mirror the other day and noticed some yellow coloration on my breast, which was no doubt a fading bruise from the nip twist. Damn you, cab lady!!