I was talking with a female friend of mine who said that after her extremely emotional break up, which I don't think she's entirely over (but who ever is?), she never had a trampage period. If you don't know what that is, and don't worry if you don't, because I didn't either, this is an episode when a gal sleeps with numerous men, not at the same time necessarily, but essentially, to get over her ex she goes through men like she goes through scrunchies. Wait, scrunchies? Girl don't even use those anymore do they? I once had a girlfriend with whom I shared a car, and she'd leave her scrunchie wrapped around the gear-shift thing. It looked not-so-manly to drive around with a gear-shift adorned with a woman's hair accessory, but I just left it there to avoid getting in a fight somehow, even though I wasn't even sure if moving it anywhere, which means I would lose it, would, in fact, get me in a fight. Could that be a metaphor for our whole relationship, or just a really useless tangent leading us astray from the topic at hand?
Okay, that tangent is over, so stay with me here. The concept of a trampage begs a couple questions:
First the feminist, double-standard question:
Why is it trampy for a woman to get filled out like an application for a few months to get over someone, and a man is just a red-blooded stud getting the poison out? A fair question, and one I don't have the answer to. I could delve into this, but the topic is a little too serious for me, and frankly, I'm not qualified or smart enough to come up with solutions to such a systemic, societal trend. Blogger doesn't pay me to be smart.*
Second, a question that is even less fair to a segment of the population than the last quesion:
Why can't I meet more trampaging women? Okay, the segment I just mentioned is just me, but I'm right when I say it's not fair! I guess I may have come across a few, but never have I been told explicitly I was being used to get over someone. This happened to a friend of mine though, on New Year's Eve a few years back. He and I lived together at the time, and we were having a party at a bar across the street from our house. By the way, it was my favorite New Years ever, and probably among my friend's favorites, as you'll gather in a minute, because there were like one-hundred people there, and so many of them were great people who we invited. Anyway, because this bar was so close to our place, we had pre and post-partying there, and many folks left their coats in my buddy's room, a fact that will be significant in a second. So, My Buddy* is hitting it off with a gal, they duck out, go back to our place before the post-party starts, and he gives her a good rogering in his bedroom, on top of roughly 30, winter coats. At some point she actually told him that she was coming off a bad breakup, and to get over it, she'd be down for getting freaky, even it were on top of a combination of wool, leather, polyester, and maybe even GORE-TEX.**
Lastly, the question on the other side of the Trampaging Coin:
What term do we assign to the male equivalent?
I've given this some thought. Actually, I just blurted it out when the question was posed to me, but I think it's a term with some staying power. Because a man sometimes needs a series of sexual conquests to move on, and because the term implies a latin-lover-type mentality, the term for a man in this period of his life that I'm leaving for posterity, here at the gancer, is Conquistador.
Okay, now it's your turn:
Tell us a Little Miss Trampage or El Conquistador story
*They don't pay me to be funny either. The pricks.
**Every time I typed My Buddy, I couldn't help think of the doll My Buddy advertised on television when I was growing up. It didn't seem tangent worthy, so I've footnoted it, and you can learn more about it here.
***My friend, I'm done saying my buddy, later told me that during "the act" she said, "I love parties!"
****In the above text, you will not find a fourth asterisk, which incidentally, took me forever to figure out how to spell (see earlier where I said I'm not that bright), but special thanks goes to fellow blogger Mysterygirl, who, despite never fully trampaging herself, proved to be a valuable person to network with on this topic.