Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Jumping the Love Gun

I have a friend who is in love with his relatively new girlfriend. He hadn't dropped the L Bomb (said "I love you") in a long, long time, so while he was very apprehensive about releasing the love hounds, he also was real ecstatic about going for it.

He had thought of all kinds of times to do it, like a dance floor of a wedding reception, during a nice dinner on her birthday, etc., but one thing he was sure of was that he knew he wanted it to be perfect.

Then, during a night of heavy boozing, seemingly out of nowhere, she says it first. She said it first! How dare she!

What do you think about this, seven readers?

1) Is the man supposed to say it first, and is it all right for the woman to be the first to do so?

2) Is it on par with a woman purposing marriage, and while we're at it, is that okay too?

3) Should he just not give a damn, be happy to have someone he loves who loves him back, and stop sweating the small stuff all the time like this?


M360 said...

1) Of course it all right for the woman to say it first! In fact i prefer it that way!

2) I don't mind my lady proposing either... woman's lib man!

3) Yes! He needs to appreciate the goodness of this situation!

mysterygirl! said...

It definitely was all right for her to say it first. He would have been first if he hadn't dicked around so long waiting for the "perfect moment"! I mean, don't get me wrong, that's a sweet intention and all, but if a girl loves a guy, ANY moment is the perfect moment to hear him say "I love you."

Also, I think the proposal thing should be whatever is right for the couple, but I would never propose to a man. I don't want *that* to be perfect, either, but I do want him to be the one to ask, hopefully after we've had multiple conversations about it.

Kritkrat said...

At first, I thought your friend was totally gay, which is absolutely fine, but I didn't realize any hetero guy would sit there and try to scheme up the 'perfect moment'. Gag me. The perfect moment would be when if feels right and it just pops out.

But then I realized that you are both lame. Why the hell wouldn't it be alright for the woman to propose or say I love you first?! What do you think this is? 1924? Grow a pair and let a women take the lead! Damn.

Casey said...

1) I don't think it matters who said first, they're just as fucked now as they would have been if he had dusted off his ovaries and manned up.

2) I would say it is on par. Not necessarily in a bad way, it's just a good example of someone taking advantage of advances in equal rights to destroy their futures with the same impunity men used to.

3) He should definitely quit worrying and just enjoy this time. Really, all joking aside, I wish I would just allow shit to go naturally instead of try to plan it.

Now, in my case, I'm a little worried about the next L-Bomb since I am at the dubious edge of a visible barrier. I can count all women receiving such words on one hand. Once I add a number six, that's out. Also, five is the only number starting or ending in five to be a prime number. I like those. Also, I'm fairly happy with the number being more than three (I'm scared!) and less than seven (I'm a feelings whore!).

Complications abound.

the teeny city yogini. said...

1:::: i've said it first. granted i was drunk and 18. but it wasn't the worst thing i've done. but does who say it first really matter in the big picture?

2:::: haha i think i may ahve something against the whole proposing thing anyway. the down on one knee thing has never been something i was looking forward to but whoever has the balls to do it, kudos!!!

3:::: damn straight. it's hard to find honest, pure love in this society. in any form it comes and however it shows up, just relish. none of the small shit matters in the end. on your death bed are we really going to care who and how they popped the question?

The Charming Hedonist said...

1. I said it first with The IAM, so I think it's okay. Of course, I had no doubt that he loved me too, so it wasn't extremely risky.

2. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it's not for me. I want the man bending down on one knee thing. It's cheesy, I know, but I'm an old fashioned kind of girl.

3. Of course he should stop sweating the small stuff. But really, that's not gonna happen.

Essentially Me said...

Number three.

Him wanting to find the perfect moment is like him referring to sex as "making love". Girls like to hear that they are loved. No matter how it's done or where it's done.

Drunken Chud said...

1) if the man says it first he's a douche. if the man wants to make it perfect, he's a pussy. if the man is hurt by not saying it first then he's a woman. seriously, i've never said it first, would never think of it. in fact, i have waited between two weeks and never to say it back. fact. i don't play around with the word or the emotion. and women, being emotional beings, tend to say that shit first.

2) nowhere near on par. i would never date a girl that would think would propose to me. i'm kinda old school like that. seriously, how immasculating is that? for the rest of your marriage she'd be known as the one who had the balls to propose.

3)again, read #1. if he cares, he's a woman. thus making her a lesbian. thus making his relationship a sham. therefore he needn't concern himself with it, lest his lesbian relationship dissolve 'neath his nose.

TOPolk said...

I say its all gravy and I'm going with option 3. He should just be happy with his girl and not worry about all the small time stuff.

Helen Mansfield said...


She told him when she was drunk? Did she even remember the next day? Who knows if she even meant it.

No drunken person should ever tell anyone that they love them, unless the phrase is completed with the word "man."

In the past, I've prefered it if the guy says it first, then I know what direction the relationship is headed, at least from his POV. There's NO WAY women should propose. There's no way a woman can ask and not come off looking super agressive, and if he accepts, there's no way a dude is going to come off looking like anything other that a super total wuss bag.

In my opinion, this new relationship that your friend has gotten into smells of disaster. I wish them well.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

360: Sounds good to me!

Mystery: Good points, and you're the last person I thought would say "dickin' around." Awesome.

'Donk: Wow. I'll be sure to tell him to start growing a pair. How does he do that? Is there a Chia Pet kind of process where he spreads some shit down there and waters daily?

Casey: You say you don't like planning things like that, and then you break down your love to prime numbers and things! Funny points though . . .

Log: Solid points, but I bet you'd like the one knee thing. Who wouldn't?

Charm: You and Mystery have been the only ones to admit that you'd want a man to do the purposing. I appreciate the honesty.

Essentially: True. True.

1) Wow. You're a stone-cold pimp when you want to be.
2) Agreed on the immasculating thing.
3) Womanly and lesbiany. Got it. Thanks.

Polk: That's the way I see it. Thanks, Polk.

Helen: Makes a lot of sense, and I think I need to start saying wuss bag more.

paperback reader said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! This whole thing is ridiculous. What would the perfect moment be - while listening to their song played by a stringed quartet, floating on wings of gossamer whilst Cherubim bow in praise of Their Love?

Conventional wisdom is that the dude's supposed to say it first, but mostly to save women from guys like me, who say, "Hey, thanks. Can I sleep with your friends?" But conventional wisdom is almost always dumb as hell, as it is here. There are actual problems in the world, and this isn't one of them.

classyandfancy said...

I think HLP should have opted for saying it whilst singing "I was made for lovin' you" by Kiss. Some finger pointed at her at the you point would've sealed the deal.

Radioactive Tori said...

When I was first dating my husband, I got really really drunk one night and said it. He waited a few days and then asked me if I had meant it. Luckily, I had and he said it back. We have been married for almost 13 years.

I did NOT propose, nor would I ever have thought to. There are some things a man should do in my opinion. I'm not all 1920's, but I do like a man to be a man, you know? That's just for me though, I guess it is ok if a woman proposes, it just wouldn't be something I would ever do.

Michael5000 said...

Your friend's a loon. But it's kind of cute.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Pistols: That sounded kind of snotty and know-it-all-like, but maybe I'm just in a shitty mood.

Classy: That would have been the most romantic gesture of all time.

Radio: Awwwww. Very encouraging!

Michael: Loony and cute are both highly accurate.

Casey said...

It's my internal autistic. I rock!

Heff said...

#1. I ALWAYS wait until the woman says it first.

#2. It's ok for a woman to propose in my book, just so she doesn't expect me to answer yes.

#3.Yes, To quote the great Paul Stanley, "No place for hidin' baby - No place to run - You pull the trigger of my..." oh, nevermind.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Casey: Just don't let that autistic child out in full force cause chicks don't dig on Rain Man.

1. I see.
2. Hahahahha. True.
3. Paul wrote that one, huh? Sounds like a Gene song, but I'm quite sure you're right, being the guy wielding a meat cleaver guitar.

Heff said...

Well, I DID have to go back and check myself....

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: Atta boy. Good research.