Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Spring Break '09 Has Had Far Less Keg Stands than '99

What I have done with my Spring Break:

1. I went to the dentist where I got a complementary massage (awesome!) and some complementary laughing gas (awesomer!). I don't know if you guys have ever been under the gas, but it feels exactly like being stoned. They put something over my nose that pumped me full of the stuff while I listened to classic rock on headphones. The only song I can remember now was Black Water by The Doobie Brothers, a song made that much more annoying when you're getting fillings, it's coming through headphones so you can hear "by the hand-hand" in alternating ears, and you can't change the station!

I made a joke about how they should do the shoulder massage after going through all the drilling and filling and figuring out I was out 700 bucks, and they actually had the guy come back for my second rub down. I tried to tell him I was kidding, but I really didn't try that hard to stop him. After all, I've earned this Spring Break.

2. Shit! I forgot to get my emissions test. That was on my To Do List.

3. I took my bicycle to the shop to give her a tune up before the summer. I'm picking it up in a few minutes, and I plan on buying an odometer to attempt to bike more miles than I drive this summer. Have I said that in a prior blog without actually doing it? Probably. I'm not real big on follow-through.

4. My Heterosexual Life Partner got engaged. You can read about him in numerous posts. This puts the heat on Old Gancey pretty hard, but that's okay. I was headed down that road, anyway.

5. My interview with Jason Lytle from Grandaddy just went live here:

6. The final run of the play I cowrote and directed is running its final four shows the weekend of the 24th. You can read about that here:

7. I've just been named the guy for updating people on The Bachelor via a weekly write-up at You will be able to read about that here when the new cast of desperate pretty people clamor for a new rich guy:

8. I'm leaving for Iowa tonight to spend Easter with Gancey Girlfriend's family. I bought her mom and dad a stone hedgehog for their garden. That sounds stupid, but hedgehogs, I'll have you know, are great for a garden because they eat their weight daily in snails, slugs, and all kinds of bugs that F' up your plants. If you feed them some cat food, they'll likely stick around to make your garden a healthy place, and even after they're gone, the bugs and slugs they go after generally don't come back for a year! Stone ones like the one I bought, well, they just sit around and look cute, but it's a metaphor for a healthy garden. Did I really just buy them a stone metaphor? Oh well, too late.


Sista said...

Okay, I really hope you went to a different dentist . . . otherwise I'm wondering why you get a rub-down and headphones and I don't. Do they like you better? I give them 3 times the business you do. I have 3 kids! Wait, maybe it's the kids. Maybe they just want me out of there in a hurry. Hmmm. Oh and my word verification is peezink.

JerseySjov said...

your playlist thing almost made me crap my pants, it scared me so bad when it started. apparantly the beginning of "passing me by" by The Pharcyde sounds like zombies to me.

and now i can't even remember what i had to say. ill be back im sure.

Kadonkadonk said...

My song was Too Close and I rocked out until one of the business office ladies told me to turn it down. Why work at a radio station if you can't listen to loud music?! Geez.

Um, do you realize that when Gancer girlfriend reads this she is basically going to read that you are going to propose? Because that's how it sounds. I mean, you've probably talked about it, but if not - cat's outta the bag...

tnobes said...

If you are listening to the doobies while on nitrous, sucking whippets, huffing glade etc... try spinning their track 'Listen to the Music'.

The intro to 'Passin' Me By' is a sample from 'Are you Experienced?' by Jimi Hendrix. They loop the guitars and drums to get the 'zombie' effect.

I dont think gancer's girlfriend has access to this blog.

Sorry gancer, not sure why I just took the liberty to answer these questions, maybe I wasn't sure if they had computers out in iowa :-)

JerseySjov said...

i found a pharcyde t-shirt in my dance group's costume closet and spent probably 5 minutes trying to remember why i knew that name.

tnobes- it wasnt so much the zombie noises, it was that i didnt know my computer's volume was on

Heff said...

Are you sure the dentist didn't give you a complementary rape while you were under ?

Zen Wizard said...

Drugs and a massage--man that dentist is doing everything he can to make the visit as enjoyable as possible!

Well, except that "funky Dixieland"-song which has driven me crazy since high school. I guess he could have played "Sometimes When We Touch." That would have been worse--I definitely don't want to hear, "Sometimes When We Touch" while I am high and getting massaged by a dude.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sista: Yeah, I was done with our dentist the day Rosie retired. That lady loved me like her own son. Interesting word verification. I certainly don't want any zinc in my pee.

Jov: That Pharcyde song is one of the best rap songs ever, but sorry it scared you. : )

Donk: Too Close is a jammy-jam, and yeah, we've talked about it.

Nobes: She does have access, and I had no idea that was Jimi's music!

Jov: Steal that shirt!

Heff: THAT I would have remembered, gas or no gas.

Zen: That song and a male rub down would be bad news. Hahahahha. Not to make other commenters feel bad if they're reading this, but your comments always make my day, brother.

The Charming Hedonist said...

Wait, you got lauging gas on Spring Break? And all I did was go to the Keys...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'd take The Keys any day. The Keys on Gas? Now you're talking . . .