I had tons of groceries in my trunk packed into four huge, re-usable, eco friendly bags. As I wrapped a bag around both arms and grabbed the other two in each hand, I started in with the English accent . . .
Announcer 1: "Gancey Van Gancerson is one of the most mammoth men you'll come across, and the Grocery Carry, although an event he usually excels at, is going to prove difficult with the nagging injuries he sustained in the Pickle Jar Opening. It looks like he has a solid grip upon those bags, each weighing at least three stones. He looks as if he's in severe pain, but he has a quality waddle going.
Announcer 2: Why the waddle, Jim?
Announcer 1 (Jim?): It helps shift the weight so that the knees don't feel like they're going right into Old Gancey's shins, and, oh, we have a dog walker coming, and he's not going to get out of the way!
Announcer 2: Yes, but couldn't he just set them down or swerve out of the way?
Jimbo: Are you shitting me? If he sets them down, he's pussing out, but if he maneuvers around them, that's extra steps out of his way that he can ill afford to take at this stage. And, oh, yes, he's giving the dog walker a sorry look, as if moving would be, and, yes, he's home free now!
Announcer 2: So, he's going to set them down at the steps?
Jimbo: No way!!! This is where we separate the men from the boys in the Strongest Everyman contest. He's looking good . . . Oh, he may tip over and send cans of spaghettiOs flying everywhere . . .
Announcer 2: He eats those? What is he? 5?
Jimbo: And he's leveled it out and made it to the door! What an effort! Just listen to this crowd. He's certainly a showman and a crowd pleaser!
Announder 2: This is stupid. Why didn't he just make 2 trips?
Jimbo: Because, asshole, that would be missing the whole point . . . you know, I just don't know why you announce this thing if you're just going to shit all over it . . .
So, anyone ever do shit like that?