Sunday, February 21, 2010

Top 10 Excuses To Use When Someone Passes You Up When You're Jogging

10. "That guy is probably running a shorter distance than me. He just goes out for a quick mile."

9. That guy is probably just sprinting like that at the end of his run. He couldn't possibly keep up that pace."

8. "I have a cramp."

7. "That guy is wearing tights from head-to-toe. It's totally okay to get passed up by those guys 'cause they're hardcore."

6. "F*ck that guy. I hate him."

5. "That only happened because I slowed down to find a good song on my ipod."

4. "He shouldn't run that fast. He's going to get shin splints, a herniated disc, and a decreased sperm count."

3. "It's okay for one or two to pass me up per run, so long as everyones not flying by me. You're okay, just focus . . ."

2. "He's probably one of those guys who just can't be happy unless he passes everyone up. He's messed up. I pity him."

1. "Look at him; He runs like a dork. I'd rather run slow than run like a complete doucher like him."

NOTE: If you're a man, and it's a woman passing you up, that's a whole different list of even more imaginative excuses.
Also, congrats to Heff for winning the caption contest from the last post. He's a great blogger with a really cool layout at his site, but he has been on hiatus for some time now. However, Heff's Bar And Grill returns on 02/24/2010. Mark your calendars or just put him on your blogroll.


JerseySjov said...

alternatively you could not jog at all. that strategy has served me pretty well over the years.

HeatherLynn said...

My lovely, you don't need're a man with a plan, determination, will power....fuck, you're a man who's out there...

and the fact that you're "out there"...pounding the YOUR pace, on YOUR time....that's better than the speed of the world around you!

take that! :)


Loved the excuses though, cracked me up.

Heff said...

I always use the old "Looks like I picked a bad day to quit smoking" line.

Thanks for the shout-out.

Anonymous said...

#6 is an excuse that works everytime!

Casey said...

I usually just remind myself that they'll be the first to freeze to death, post-Apocalypse.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jov: That's a thought . . .

Lyn: It's Tony Robbins!! Hahaha. Thanks.

Heff: Yes. Or sniffing glue.

Blame: Yeah, that was my personal favorite too! : )

Casey: Yes. They will freeze up and be the boy-toy of the scary guy in Road Warriors.

Michael5000 said...

I pretty much use all those simultaneously. And often.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

5000: Yes, I sometimes do combos of them myself. : )