Friday, March 14, 2014

I had one of those days at work yesterday where I wasn't feeling well, and I was being pulled in a thousand directions and never felt like I could get each task done right before getting yanked into the next more urgent thing.  The whole time I knew the day would be capped off with the wake of my friend's mom who just died.

And wakes are not fun.  So I'm mingling through the wake, and I'm not a strong mingler to begin with, but put a dead person in the room and I'm twice as bad.  It's really hard because you see someone you haven't seen in a while, and you blurt out how good it is to see them and you got a big smile, but then you catch yourself looking too happy, so you dial it back down with a frown and smooth it over with something like "I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances."  I could maybe blame it on being sick, but it's probably more about the crippling fear of me and everyone I care about getting older and dying. I left thinking what a terrible performance I put on in there.  I know I'm as sad as just about anyone in there, but while I'm in there I can't get over my own shit to just act normal.  So I cried in the parking lot a little.  

Driving back to the city from the burbs at around 8 at night, I find myself dozing off.  I switched over to the naughty station on my Sirius radio thinking that sex stuff will keep me awake, and there is a porno actress giving relationship advice to callers who want advice from porno actresses.  The one guy says that his relationship with his girlfriend is not going well and he has a couple of "side chicks" going.  Porno actress host says that the right thing to do would be to end things with the girlfriend because it's not fair to carry on these other relationships with her around.  Now there is proof that women in the "industry" are not without morals, right?  Then the caller says that his girlfriend is crazy for a variety of reasons, and porno actress does a total 180 and says "Oh yeah.  She's crazy.  I guess just keep it going with those side chicks."  What the heck?  How quickly she changed her tune!  Now, I realize these women are not without their foibles, but stand by your convictions, woman!

Anyway, to sum up, or if you just skimmed to the end:

Paragraph One: Dr. Ken bitches about having a bad day at work and feeling sick, as if that doesn't happen to everyone.

Paragraph Two: Dr. Ken's dear mother of his good friend died, and she was the sweetest woman you could ever know and baked the world's best chocolate chip cookies that the whole block tried in vane to duplicate.  She left us far too early and she will be missed.  And nobody knows how to act at a wake.

Paragraph Three: As you may have already suspected, porno ladies are not the best place to seek relationship advice.


Mr. Shife said...

Sorry you had a bad day. Hope you are feeling better.
Very sorry for your good friend's loss. The wakes are hard but trust me just being there was important to your friend. When I lost my mom it was really comforting to have people there with me regardless of the conversation. Don't beat yourself up.
Finally I'm shocked that porn stars don't give great advice. I mean most of them have made such good life decisions themselves. =) Take care buddy.

Anonymous said...

Oh honey. First of all, death is awkward. It's processed on an individual basis so no one handles it the same. If I were there with you, I would have held your hand and just said 'breathe' ...*hug*

And, that porno lady should have stuck to the first piece of advice. I would add that maybe the gf is 'crazy' because she suspects bf is screwing around. I don't, for one moment, believe he is blameless, but he certainly walked away justified for being a dick.

PS. Your yahoo email acct has been compromised. It's mass-mailing spam. Suggest you change the password.


David Oliver said...

I think Mr. Shife is right. Whatever you say is fine. I've heard people make jokes and laugh. It's okay because no one is there to have a good time and sometimes a break from the constant grief is a good thing.

I'm pretty sure people don't need to be an expert to give advice. They probably do need to be an expert to take it.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think just being there is the most important thing to the bereaved - they aren't expecting everyone to console them like a priest.

I feel sorry for porno actress - she was clearly being asked a question outside her field of expertise. Someone should have asked her whether she enjoys having her butt slapped during sex.

JerseySjov said...

The only time I saw my former roommate in a suit I made a big deal about it, all "heyyy, lookin good, woo-woo, whats the occasion?" and turns out he was dressed for a funeral. Nobody goes to wakes to have a good time, but I doubt anyone would give anyone who showed up a hard time for being happy. You're obviously not happy about the event; don't beat yourself up about it.

The actress might not have stuck to her convictions, but she sure did her job- telling men what they want to hear!

Jimmy Fungus said...

The main thing I learned from relationship advice shows is that you don't have to be smart to be getting sex. In fact, in some instances... the dumber the better.

I remember my grandmother's funeral, and watching him having to "mingle" with all the relatives afterwards, and thinking how ill-equipped I'd be if I was ever in that position. Ehh, hopefully I will get run over by a bus and not ever have to worry about it.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: Thanks, brother. I'm just glad she's not in pain anymore.

Honey: I changed the password a couple of times. Are you still getting my penis growth emails?

David: Well said, bud. I like that.

Gorilla: There were a lot of questions that were more specific to sex acts that she seemed more qualified for.

Jov: That's true. People often ask advice just looking for the person who will tell them what they want to hear.

Fungus: Can you tell that bus driver to extend his route and come by and take care of me when he is done with you?