Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Mrs. Noisewater and I are going to miss some things about this apartment.  Hearing the drunks congregating in our alley having loud conversations filled with "WOOS!" is not one of them.  This often wakes us up out of a dead sleep, and then they hang out by the dumpsters and we can make out every single word they say.  I never could figure out why they would want to smell garbage while they converse, but then the other night we could gather from their conversation that they were doing cocaine.  Lovely!  As I have said in previous posts, rather than telling them to shut the heck up, like some of my neighbors have done, I prefer to just interject, chiming into the middle of their conversation.  They suddenly hear from above, "Is that pretty good coke?"  The problem is that they would probably want to talk about that all night with me, so I would have to add something creepy like "Can I come down there in my pajamas and do a bump?  And then maybe you guys can come upstairs with me and cuddle?"

Anyway, one thing I am going to miss in this hood is the middle aged Black man on the block who takes excessively meticulous care of his sky blue circa 1991 BMW.  The thing is dented all over the closer you look at it, which is no surprise because he parks it on the street in a busy section of Chicago - a great way to get dinged.  He is down there when it's cold out warming up the engine while he fusses over cleaning the interior or checking the oil, but I have never seen him actually go anywhere.  Sometimes I will see it parked in a slightly different spot, suggesting that he has taken it for a spin, but it's always returned to the same side of the street.  It's not so much that I'll miss him, it's that I'll never figure out his story/solve this mystery.

In case I don't get a chance to talk to my favorite OCD neighbor to get an explanation, something I will be doing if I see him again before I go, would any of you like to wager a guess at why he behaves this way with his "beemer?"


Gorilla Bananas said...

I would guess something unsavoury happened to his dick so he's treating the beemer like a surrogate. BMW stands for 'Black Man's Willy" in the UK.

Mr. Shife said...

Cherish those memories, Dr. Ken. When and where are you moving to?

Jimmy Fungus said...

There was this one old neighbor woman who would stand outside by this tree in her yard and every time the wind blew some of the leaves into the street, she would go pick them up. Perhaps he is cuckoo.

Scott Oglesby said...

Hey, you're still around!

Good luck on the move. It will probably be more peaceful where you end up but you might miss the entertainment value of where you are now.

JerseySjov said...

that's just about how I act with my '96 Geo Prism, because it is my precious baby.

Mr. Shife said...

So how goes the apartment shopping?

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: I knew you would have a new angle on this one. I'll just come right out and ask what happened to his dick, as I'm sure you are right on the money once again.

Shife: Moving to a place back in Lakeview. Lincoln Park has too many college students barfing and doing coke in my alley.

Jimmy: Now that is a genuine nut case. But the street was always clean on that block.

Scott: Good to see you, buddy! I will kind of miss the crazies. I fall back asleep easily, so I usually giggle, pass back out, and discuss it with Mrs. Noisewater the next day.

Jov: You have to cherish the prism!