Friday, December 30, 2005
Costumes for the Ages . . .
I thought of a great Halloween costume today. Doesn’t it always seem like you come up with a great idea when it’s like a year away from Halloween, but during the months leading up to October 31st, you rule out everything and end up cutting holes in a sheet and going as a half-assed ghost or something? You know, I totally forgot what my Halloween costume idea was. I’m destined to have a last second shitty one again.
The notion of costumes got me thinking about some of the best costumes I’ve ever seen.
Best costume I saw this year goes to a girl dressed up as a Contestant on the TV show Double Dare. I saw this young lady at Carol’s Pub, one of my favorite late night bars in Chicago, and she said to me, “Would you like to do a physical challenge.” When a girl says something like that to you the perverted lines you could throw back at her should be endless, but I think in my state I settled for, “Sure.” Not creative, but it was the right answer because she proceeded to pour a shot into the shot glass strapped to her helmut and bent over to pour it in my mouth. What a fun chick, right?
Last year’s best costume I saw was a guy dressed up as Teen Wolf, but not just Teen Wolf, the Teen Wolf from the Basketball Sequence. Very well done. I would have liked to have discussed the beauty of that movie with him but we were walking past each other right by Wrigley Field. I would have liked to have thrown on a fat suit and a bball uniform and went as the Fat Kid from Teen Wolf. The two of us could have had one hell of an evening “car surfing” and the like. The car surfing scene was in Teen Wolf, and not its ill fated sequel, Teen Wolf Two, starring TV’s Justin Bateman, right? I’m too lazy to look it up.
And now for my best all time costumes:
This year I went as Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. My Silent Bob backed out on me at the last minute, but I actually went as Jay and Silent Bob in college when I had long hair, and I had a Silent Bob with me that evening. We almost won a costume contest, but it was a popularity contest, and we didn’t roll into the bar 30 frat brothers strong like the clowns that won.
The year before I went as a Piece of White Trash. I had on some acid washed jeans, an AC/DC shirt (that has worked its way into my regular rotation), a mullet wig, and fake bad teeth. I learned a valuabe lesson that year: DON’T EVER MAKE YOURSELF LESS ATTRACTIVE ON HALLOWEEN. Girls seem to know this. They always go as something sexy, and God bless them for that. Why I thought to go as trailor trash I’ll never know. I mean these fake teeth were so bad that they changed my entire facial structure and made me look like a whole different person. I might have been okay if I had simply altered my costume, but I thought it would be a good idea to stay in character when girls politely asked me to take the disgusting teeth out. Like I said, I learned a valuable lesson.
My ALL TIME GREATEST COSTUME was when I went as Rick Allen from Def Leppard, fresh off the accident. I had a Def Leppard shirt, a bandana on my head, drumsticks in my pocket, the drummer gloves (as if he would have been driving around with that stuff), and I stuffed my arm in my shirt and had fake blood and gummy worms coming out of my stump to look like veins. (Clap, clap, clap …. Bravo!!!!)