Wednesday, January 04, 2006


It occurred to me that I’m four entries into my blogspot and I’m yet to explain the title of the page. What is gancing you may ask? It is a term that a friend of mine came across somewhere, but while whatever publication it was coined the term, I believe my friends and I have perfected it, and indeed made it an art form.

Gancing is when two or more guys are dancing, essentially with each other, with no girls around. Hence, the “g” in the word stands for gay. Hold on, I’m not saying this is something that you see at a gay club. That’s a whole different animal. An animal which I don’t have as much knowledge about, and of course, the lack of knowledge does not stem from intolerance or fear, but just a lack of interest in hairy assholes, or guys assholes in general, regardless of hair. In any event, the type of dancing that gay men do, and they probably dance a hell of a lot better than my friends and I, is done with the intention of hooking up with his dance partner, while ours is to hook up with girls.

How does one hook up with girls by dancing with his male friends you may be asking yourself? It takes a lot of patience, but simply keep dancing with your friends as if you don’t have any interest in hooking up with girls. You are just there to dance and have a good time with your friends, which is what girls always say they are doing. That is bullshit and it’s bullshit when we do it, because of course in the back of our minds men and women want to meet someone, but the trick is to LOOK like you don’t. Then the women say, “Wow, would you look at those guys! They are so much fun!! I want to hang out with THEM!” What they won’t ever say is, “Hey, look at that brooding, depressed guy standing off to the side. I want to rock his world!!” Of course you can still be the brooding depressed guy on the inside, but the trick is projecting an image of a fun guy to the people around you.

Now a problem may arise if a girl thinks to herself, “Jeez, I don’t remember seeing this many openly gay men in this bar . . .” Now that’s a problem if they think that. I didn’t say this approach is fool proof, and I don’t as of yet have a solution for this particular dilemma. I have to say though, if you’re dancing well enough that girls think you are gay then you are gancing all WRONG! The gancer must say to the people around him, “I can’t dance for shit, but I don’t let that stop me from gancing the night away!!” You go from casual gancer to PROFESSIONAL gancer when you actually ARE having fun and are no longer feigning enthusiasm when you gance. This can be done through going out with the right people, the right blend of loud mouth soup, the right place, and most importantly, the right music. If you actually ARE feeling the song and having a good time, then your gancing is no longer a cheap ploy to get girls, it actually IS what you want to be doing at that time, and when this happens more girls believe that a dancing with your male friends is all you want to do. When you get in a groove like this just keep it going with the occasional survey of the room to look for pockets of girls who may be lancing (hmmm, that’s a new one) and especially you need to keep your eyes pealed for everyone’s favorite band of bad decision making lancers (the term is growing on me), the bachelorette party.

So, I say to the gancers of the world. Gance! Gance like you’ve never ganced before. Gance, damn it!

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