Sunday, March 12, 2006

Bubba's Fixin' To Get Hitched!






Last night I attended a wedding celebration in honor of my good friend Bubba. Just about any time you go to an event involving a guy named Bubba you are in for an interesting evening, and this night was no exception. Here are some of the highlights:

1. There was a circuit blown, a power failure, or something that lasted for about an hour. This meant no lights, no music, and perhaps most importantly, no air conditioning. I was sweating my tail off up in that piece! I give credit to one guest who danced into the room with her boom box and some cd’s. This resulted in a thunderous round of applause, and I was excited to have music too, until I heard “The Pina Colada Song.” I’m afraid to say that the songs didn’t get much better from there. As compensation for the hour of power failure, the venue offered an extra hour on the open bar. Drunken Dr. Kenneth Noisewater was loving that solution, but hung-over Dr. Kenneth Noisewater is thinking he could have done without the extra hour of cheap rum.

2. The husband of one the bridesmaids did an Elvis performance, complete with sideburns, a cape, and the whole nine. At one point in the evening he came into the room with a bag of Dracula fangs. Why I have no idea, but it was fun as hell talking to people with those things in. It dawned on me that I was the only guy still keeping them in way later in the evening, which should have discouraged me, but it was just too damn fun. Every time I walked by Elvis, Dracula teeth or not, I’d say, “How you doin’, King?” Then we’d chat for a while, and I must say, he was very entertaining, as was I, I was told, so naturally we hit it off quite well. The King was helping me out by telling me which women were available. Thanks, King, wherever you are . . .

3. I was rocking a feau-hawk for the first time. Am I too old for that style at the ripe-old-age of 29? Call me metrosexual, tragically hip, or a just plain dork, but I think it looked cool. Maybe I’ll post some pictures when I get some emailed to me.

4. I took my closest, female friend as a date, which worked out well, since she knows a lot of the guests. Her and I are on the If We’re Not Married By 35 We’re Just Going to Say Screw It and Marry One Another So We Don’t Die Alone Plan, or the IWNMBTWJGSSIMOASWDDAP Plan for short. Well, not short, but shorter. Unpronounceable too. The plan needs a better name; I admit. Both our respective parents live in the Chicago suburbs, so we stopped by her folks’ place in between the church and reception. Her dad is a chef, so he whipped up some hors d’oeuvres for us: Rolled-up prosciutto on a cracker with fancy cheese on top, dribbled with a touch of olive oil. Then we sipped our wine and watched an episode of Frazier. The hoity-toity crap was out the window, as we were off to Bubba’s weddin’ . . .

5. I realize this is my second blog in a row ending with a reference to Ween, but the song the bride and groom danced to was Stay Forever by the aforementioned band. Nicely played, Bubba.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can't stop picturing you with the teeth in your mouth all night. That's so you to do that.

Steph said...

I love a good wedding. It's a like a licence to act retarded and get shit faced drunk.;)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

anon- I am getting predictable in my antics, huh? Guilty.

steph- I agree. At a wedding, one is issued a Get Shitty Free Card. I was a card carying member last night . . .

Heather B. said...

The last wedding I attended (my brother's) the reception was open bar and I had about 8 vodka tonics and my father threatened to cut off my younger brother's hands if he had another Long Island iced tea. Ahh, good times.

beachgirl said...

Good times... Any party for a guy named Bubba has to be good... Where I'm from a party for a guy named Bubba usually involves a keg or at least 12 pack of PBR...and somebody usually gets in a fight... but hey, that's the south for ya!!

Hey that, whole "back up" friend thing.. you better get that in writing and NOTARIZED!! I've had at least 3 of those in the past and the bastards have all ended up getting married...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heather: Jeez, I would have been all out of things to cut off if your dad had been presiding over Bubba's weddin'.

Beach: I don't think there was any PBR, but I did like that they named the tables instead of boring numbers. We were at the Tecmo Bowl table.

About the back-up bride pact thing, do you mean that you have friends that married their back-up? Back-up sounds negative, but my back-up girl is really awesome in every way, but we're friends.

I'll open it up to the floor: Anyone else have a pact?

beachgirl said...

No, my back-ups married other people! But I have been invited to the weddings.. If your back up is so great, how come y'all are still just friends?? Spill it!

Lizzie said...

Is one of those guys in that first picture you?

I don't have a pact but now I'm wondering if I should? Does everyone else have one? Am I going to be the one left all alone... like the loser left standing at the end of musical chairs?

I don't think the plan needs a better name. IWNMBTWJGSSIMOASWDDAP is perfectly pronounceable. Just one question: is the accent on the first A or the second?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

hahahaha Liz on the pronouncing! You rock! I thought people would think one of the dudes in the picture is me. Yes, that is me with the gold chains. I am none other than Mr. T. No, seriously, that's Dean and Gene Ween from Ween in the picture with the heart.

I'll post a picture of myself with the funny hair and perhaps plastic fangs as soon as I get one emailed to me from my IWNMBTWJGSSIMOASWDDAP.

beachgirl said...

Haha.. Mr.T!! I love it! Lizzie, I gave up on the back up when I turned 30.. It's actually quite liberating to not have one, so to answer your question, no you won't be considered a loser if you don't have one..or maybe I'm just fooling myself and I'm the REAL loser by NOT having one... DOH!!

ocg said...

I think faux hawks rock if you have the attitude to pull them off... and lets face it anyone willing to enjoy the evening with Dracula teeth in for hours... can rock the faux hawk...

I have a pact to meet someone under an umbrella in Florida in our Bermuda shorts if we are alone at 40... we'll see...

Seriously, his name is Bubba? That def tells you that nothing but a fun evening was in store...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Beach - now you need a back-up for your 40th b-day. I wonder if there is some fine print in the back-up contract that could be deal breakers? I would say if a girl develops a front-butt or becomes a republican, the contract would be null and void.

OC - Best of luck with the umbrella pact.

We used to call him Bubba, but then he tried to live it down when he went to college. I was the better man and stopped calling him Bubba, but it slips sometimes, like when I blog or drink or do both at the same time.

beachgirl said...

I figure if I haven't found Mr.Right by the time I am 40 then forget it!! The "front butt" ??!! What in heaven's name is that??

and be careful about who you're calling a republican.. I thought I better tattle on myself before lizzie "outed" me... but not to worry, I am very cool (if I do say so myself, and I do..) So I guess I can be the token minority here??

Erin Mc said...

oooo you said Tragically Hip... were you (sub)conciously referencing the band?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

beach- sorry to offend you with the republican comment. I want you to feel welcome! : )
I need to stay away from politics and stick to blogs about reality shows and the like.

erin- That was not a reference to the band. I know of them but haven't heard any of their stuff. Are they any good?

Erin Mc said...

I like them. Canada is trying to redeem itself after giving us Rush.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

True, Erin. They owe us for giving us Loverboy too, right?